Sure, I’ve had some stuff going on since my last post, but, Ed… ED GOT PAID BY RAPHA TO CYCLE AROUND LANZAROTE. WHAT A CHAMP.
I’m seething with envy. SEETHING! On the upside, my time off request for July was approved today. Ponyboy and I will be joining Ed in the UK in July. Anybody want to sponsor me?
HEY EVERYBODY! Thanks for your continued interest in my life.
It’s nice still being relevant. I have also updated my home decor. After six years of sleeping under the stars, I’ve retired my ratty galaxy print duvet cover, of which its rattiness was accelerated not by rats but cats. When I bought it, I’d just moved to Montréal with only a sleeping bag as a bedding option and needed something quickly. The galaxy print stood out among all the beige and floral options, so it made its way into my new home. While I hauled my kitschy bedding back to the west coast in 2019, I thankfully didn’t need to get rid of any mustache or bacon accouterments that were the craze in the 2010s.
Anyway, what thrilling duvet cover have I chosen to sleep under for the next 5-10 years?Continue reading “Saccharine dystopia.”
QOD: How is it that the jalapeño cheddar has 10 more calories than the bacon cheddar?
If you don’t have me as a contact on WhatsApp, you’re missing out on some intellectually stimulating discussions. One friend responded, “I bet the ‘bacon’ is just the addition of liquid smoke, which is 0 calories.” Then, they quickly added, “It seems like they’d be the same, though. Weird.”
Another friend harnessed the power of the web and looked up the ingredients. “The jalapeño one has modified tapioca starch, while the bacon one has modified food starch.”
Gator (yes, I am naming names even though that’s not her name) took the judgmental route:
“Please tell me you did not eat the jalapeño cheddar or bacon cheddar.🤢“
I did not. I was conveniently in the line-up at a convenience store, waiting to pay for my energy drinks. Even though I should be cutting back on caffeine, PEOPLE ARE DRAINING. I am glad the mask mandate is back: I was getting tired of seeing people’s garbage mouths. Even two weeks post jab #2, I was still masking up whenever I’d pop into a business. I continued to wear a mask because, as a retail employee, I appreciated customers who kept wearing theirs. I’m a benevolent misanthropist.
FUCK YOU, I’M POLITE!
But, the most notable thing that happened since my last post was getting screened for cancer.Continue reading “Diagnostic smooshing.”