Hello friends, foes, and everyone in-between.
It’s been a week punctuated by doctor visits, rain showers, and aggressive baking. Last week, I had two doctor appointments. Real appointments… with inconclusive results!
Continue reading “Seasonal Affective Disorder season and The Vow.”Today I bring you enlightenment.
Sparked by this meme, this subject of interpreters came up in a conversation with a friend recently:
I have so many things to say about this. Thankfully, I can say everything without requiring an interpreter. Here I go…
Continue reading “Expression of frustration.”HEY EVERYBODY! Thanks for your continued interest in my life.
It’s nice still being relevant. I have also updated my home decor. After six years of sleeping under the stars, I’ve retired my ratty galaxy print duvet cover, of which its rattiness was accelerated not by rats but cats. When I bought it, I’d just moved to Montréal with only a sleeping bag as a bedding option and needed something quickly. The galaxy print stood out among all the beige and floral options, so it made its way into my new home. While I hauled my kitschy bedding back to the west coast in 2019, I thankfully didn’t need to get rid of any mustache or bacon accouterments that were the craze in the 2010s.
Anyway, what thrilling duvet cover have I chosen to sleep under for the next 5-10 years?
Continue reading “Saccharine dystopia.”Does anybody else react with sarcasm in place of cursing when something goes wrong?
One of the wires of the whisk attachment for my hand mixer came loose, spraying flecks of butter-saturated brown sugar everywhere. “Oh, fun! A mess!” I exclaimed. It was already past ten at night. I’d misjudged how long that evening’s baking project was going to take, and now I had a mess to clean up too.
Along with this after-dark banana bread production, I’d also powered on my food processor for some hummus. My landlords went out of town for a few days, so I used their absence as an opportunity to raise a ruckus!
“If a tree falls in a forest and only I am around, does it make a sound?”
Continue reading “Ironically, “aural” is an anagram of Laura.”QOD: How is it that the jalapeño cheddar has 10 more calories than the bacon cheddar?
If you don’t have me as a contact on WhatsApp, you’re missing out on some intellectually stimulating discussions. One friend responded, “I bet the ‘bacon’ is just the addition of liquid smoke, which is 0 calories.” Then, they quickly added, “It seems like they’d be the same, though. Weird.”
Another friend harnessed the power of the web and looked up the ingredients. “The jalapeño one has modified tapioca starch, while the bacon one has modified food starch.”
Gator (yes, I am naming names even though that’s not her name) took the judgmental route:
“Please tell me you did not eat the jalapeño cheddar or bacon cheddar.🤢“
I did not. I was conveniently in the line-up at a convenience store, waiting to pay for my energy drinks. Even though I should be cutting back on caffeine, PEOPLE ARE DRAINING. I am glad the mask mandate is back: I was getting tired of seeing people’s garbage mouths. Even two weeks post jab #2, I was still masking up whenever I’d pop into a business. I continued to wear a mask because, as a retail employee, I appreciated customers who kept wearing theirs. I’m a benevolent misanthropist.
FUCK YOU, I’M POLITE!
But, the most notable thing that happened since my last post was getting screened for cancer.
Continue reading “Diagnostic smooshing.”
