Lower than lowbrow.

It’s official: I’m a regular at Canadian Tire. I guess this is because I no longer have instant access to tools, 99% of which belonged to Yann. I’m surrounded by tools every day at work, so on my days off, my hands start shaking from withdrawal. I am slowly building my tool collection: pink, 75% smaller, and 200% more expensive, of course. Stainless steel and black rubber are so unladylike, ew.

My latest trip to obtain made-in-Asia goods from Canadian Tire was for L-brackets and screws to reinforce my fancy bedside table:

Ok, I lied: it isn’t fancy.

It’s a workaround for Ikea’s MALM bed frame, which has poorly thought-out full-length drawers on the sides. If I were to use a regular four-legged bedside table, I wouldn’t have access to my pants unless I move the table! And I can’t be Porky Pigging it. I also need a table to support my nightly hydration operation.

When I moved into my current place, this table had to be cut shorter because it blocked the bedroom door from swinging open. I can’t access the drawers on the other side of the bed either as that side is against the wall, which gives you an idea of how dinky my place is.

Now that I’d made this table functional and sturdy with the addition of L-brackets, I could concern myself with its presentation.

While I have a tool deficiency, I have a sizable collection of art supplies, including a bottle of pouring medium that I’d bought years ago for one project. If you know what you’re doing, the result can be something like this:

By u/MEKYAS23

I’d painted the wood black. My next plan was to turn the top into a psychedelic pool of colours!

Instead, I turned it into a puddle of despair. I’d tilted and rotated the surface to get even coverage. When this wasn’t happening, I poured more paint into the gaps. It got progressively uglier as I attempted to correct the mistakes.

Continue reading “Lower than lowbrow.”

Not funny.

Yesterday, no joke, I got the print I ordered two months ago. I bought it to hang in the bathroom. Again, not joking. It’s by Ugly Ink, who does beautiful illustrations of ugly characters. His original work is surprisingly affordable, but I don’t mind buying open editions. I buy what I like.

A colour illustration of three characters inside a black frame. The characters are presented as a math formula: pig plus bee equals pee.
It’s in a frame so I’m still a classy lady!
Continue reading “Not funny.”

Wholly incomplete.

I made pizza tonight (no party to celebrate my success as a pizza chef, though) and used part-skim mozzarella instead of regular. This was a mistake. The leathery layer of cheese smothered the deliciousness of my homemade pizza. I hurt my feelings by producing a pizza fail after hundreds of successes. This is why there was no pizza party tonight.

You may be wondering if I got my bike frame, or you may not care at all. I’m going to see how many people care by forcing you to click through to read the rest of this post:

Continue reading “Wholly incomplete.”