Does anybody else react with sarcasm in place of cursing when something goes wrong?
One of the wires of the whisk attachment for my hand mixer came loose, spraying flecks of butter-saturated brown sugar everywhere. “Oh, fun! A mess!” I exclaimed. It was already past ten at night. I’d misjudged how long that evening’s baking project was going to take, and now I had a mess to clean up too.
Along with this after-dark banana bread production, I’d also powered on my food processor for some hummus. My landlords went out of town for a few days, so I used their absence as an opportunity to raise a ruckus!
“If a tree falls in a forest and only I am around, does it make a sound?”Continue reading “Ironically, “aural” is an anagram of Laura.”
Check out the progress I’ve made on my tub of blueberries:
It’s underwhelming, I know. Two reasons I still have this many blueberries:
- The second vaccination did not make me ill.
- I haven’t smoked cannabis in almost two weeks.
On Saturday–the day of my shot–a colleague asked me how I was doing. I told her I was booked for my second dose in the afternoon and that I was worried that I’d be among those who get super sick since my first shot didn’t go so well.
Her: “I don’t mean to scare you, but I spent three days vomiting after getting my second shot.”
Well… I guess I’ll keep worrying!Continue reading “The gum is not yet ready for consumption.”
I feel like the increase in demand for instant gratification has stripped people of the patience to communicate with me.
I had a dream this morning about getting into an altercation with two unfamiliar old ladies who insisted on communicating with me verbally through their masks. I responded, on paper, reminding them that I, too, would love to communicate seamlessly with the public, but because I dared to get sick as a child, I don’t get to do this. Think about it, I continued scribbling, you can’t deal with what I have to do 99% of the time, for five minutes. One of the ladies started bleeding at the fingertip and scribbled her response in blood, accusing me of being disrespectful, thus summoning the manager.
What a sinister bitch!
But that was a dream. In reality, I’ve had many people simply walk away from me upon learning that I can’t understand them even if they start yelling at me from behind their masks. The correct response from me is: “Fuck them.” But when it starts happening regularly, there are some days where I go, “Fuck me, right?”
I don’t like that I’m a misanthropist, but it’s hard not to be when you’re confronted with rude, ignorant people routinely. On the contrary, when strangers do something as simple as sign “thank you,” it brings me joy. This is an everyday interaction most people are accustomed to, but for me, it’s like, “Wow, you’re treating me like everybody else. You’re practically the kindest stranger I’ve interacted with all day. If not all week.”Continue reading “When to yell at a deaf person.”
Andrew and Holly are back in our lives in an abstract sense. Yann and I were standing under the carport behind our building when we watched someone wearing a hi-vis jacket exit the rear of the building next to ours.
Something was off: who leaves from the rear door only to go straight out front? We exit the rear to take out the garbage, get to the car, or smoke. In this instance, we were doing the latter two: smoking whilst leaning against the car.
Moments later, a bright light shone in our face and I jokingly said to Yann, “Oh, it’s a cop.”Continue reading “My fugitive neighbours.”