Vitamin D burns.

How do you make your legs burn in two different ways? Do a century ride on a day with no visible clouds.

As someone with next to no melanin, and a LOT of expensive artwork that would get damaged from exposure to UV rays, I almost always have this with me:

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Whenever someone sees this thing, they’re always like, “LOL. Girl sunblock.” Then I proceed to get defensive and explain, “They were giving away free expired sunblock at work, and I took a bottle to use as a travel size spray. I promptly dumped out the girl sunblock and refilled it with proper unexpired lady sunscreen.”

I don’t know why I get so defensive about this, but I do. Besides, when it comes to the sun, being on the defense is a good thing! I had just purchased a saddle bag for my road bike so that I would be able to carry this mini spray bottle along with a tube of lip balm (defense against chapped lips), an energy bar (defense against hunger), and a spare tube (defense against flats). Essentially, I keep my emergency kit directly underneath my ass.

Continue reading “Vitamin D burns.”

Flamboyant rats.

It’s my laptop’s 10th birthday today.

…Is what I would say if I knew when exactly I purchased this laptop. It is approximately 10 years old though, and often struggles to connect to our wireless network. On these days, I sometimes resort to using a 3-foot-long ethernet cable which essentially tethers me 3 feet away from the cats’ shitting den as our modem is located above it.

At this point, there is no need for a new laptop, merely a want. “Laptop” isn’t going on my shopping list anytime soon.

If it isn’t the smell of the catbox keeping me away from mashing at the keyboard, then it’s the squirrels. They are so distractingly cute!

Yesterday morning I set out to pick up some body wash and mail a parcel. The pharmacy/post office is only a 10-minute walk, yet the mission took me an hour to complete.

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Behold, my favourite city-dwelling animal with my favourite cookie in its mouth!

Continue reading “Flamboyant rats.”

Prelude to Le P’tit Train du Nord.

When it comes to cycling trips within a 200km radius of Montréal, I leave the planning up to Yann. Yann was born and raised in Montréal, and although I’ve already lived in this city for three years, I can’t even name five surrounding suburbs. For an overwhelmingly Catholic province like Québec, it’s somewhat comical how Montréal has bungled the cardinal points. I realize there’s nothing actually papal about the “cardinal directions”, but let me show you how how nefarious Montréalais cartographers are with an example of how the island looks in Google Maps:

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Look at where Montréal East is. Doesn’t that look more north to you?

So, to compensate, this is how the island is often presented in maps around the city:

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They just fucking tilt the island just so that Montréal East can actually be in the east. I find this to be a real mindfuck, but Yann thinks nothing of it.

For that reason, it is always his job to lead us out of this condemned island where vehicles cannot even make a right turn on a red. (I swear I’m not making this up!)

Yesterday, he proposed doing our first century ride of the year. That seemed over-ambitious, especially since I had only just begun to commute to work by bicycle a week ago. Prior to that, we spent 6 weeks using the bike trainer for 30 minutes every other day, and in this time I climbed six of the major passes in the Dolomites from the comfort of our living room: Falzarego, Pordoi, Sella, Gardena, Giau, and Campolongo. This was done watching GCN’s training videos on a laptop balanced on top of a speaker.

We had a lot more than just 30 minutes to do the 100km, so I accepted the challenge. We were to spend the majority of our ride on a dedicated bike path that would take us from our home to Saint-Jérôme, where our favourite cycling path, Le P’tit Train du Nord, begins.

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Yann sighted a marmot on the way, and tried pointing it out to me, but I was too distracted taking a photo of him that I completely missed the marmot. Here’s the photo of Yann trying to show me a marmot:

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When we passed through a residential area, I did not miss the plastic pony that somebody put in their front yard. Here is the pony:

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If fake owls are good enough to keep pigeons’ shitty little butts out, then imagine what a phony pony is capable of. Piss off, marmots!

This is also the perfect time to mention that somebody living near the Olympic Stadium has a fake moose parked in their front yard. If I could afford a yard, I’d be sure to one-up this person with a brachiosaurus.

Truthfully, there isn’t a whole lot to look at during this ride, which partly explains why I started thinking about how I’d landscape my hypothetical yard. The monotonous scenery is also likely why the bike path wasn’t made a part of Le P’tit Train du North.

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Not only do I train like a pro, but also I eat like one.

Let’s go back to the pony photo tho:

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Note the park bench in front of the driveway. Why would someone choose to sit right in front of their car? Behind the bench, is a basement window. I know one can’t hope for much when looking outside a basement window, but the decision to put this bench there was likely made by the same person who installed the pony. Did they really not have any better ideas? If you’re that inconsistent at being cool, are you really even cool?

Back to me:

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I did it. I rode 115km, and my legs feel fine today.

I think I’m ready to ride Le P’tit Train du Nord, and see some real animals on the way!