Contaminating the new place with my personality.

Today I spent an hour looking for the perfect t-shirt design. Thousands of choices yet none have been good enough to reach the checkout stage of online shopping. I could give up and go monochromatic, but my wardrobe is depressing enough as-is. That’s the convenient thing about tattoos: you decide on one design to wear for life!

I do like that my t-shirt design indecisiveness is currently my biggest concern. Yann and I are finally sleeping at least 12 inches elevated off the floor. Before Tuesday, we were sleeping on a mattress topper which was kindly loaned to us by Kristina. Compared to sleeping on 20-inch wide sleeping pads, which was our original plan, sleeping on this memory foam mattress topper was like sleeping on a cloud.

Along with a new bed, we also got a Cushioned Communal Seating Unit (CCSU, or as known by its common name: sofa). The cats were instantly fond of the new sofa for the texture of the fabric feels great in between their claws.

We, of course, got an IKEA Kivik sectional.

Condemn us all you want, but I love that this model allows for add-ons. We currently have the sofa and chaise longue configuration, but one day I would like to have three chaise longues coupled together. Who keeps their feet on the floor while seated on a sofa? Not me.

The long-term plan would be to form it into an enclosed square with a foot-rest in the middle so that the living room is nothing but sofas to loll around on. We can then mount the tv on the ceiling like in a dentist’s office.

Even with the addition of comfortable things to sit on and sleep in, the move still isn’t complete.

• The art still needs to be hung.
• The melamine plates we have need to be re-demoted to camping dinnerware and replaced with ceramic plates.
• We need to hang a dollar store “Happy Birthday” banner above the kitchen passthrough to give the appearance of being social people.

We’re only three weeks in, but I am confident that this is the nicest neighbourhood where I’ve ever lived. Nearly every house has a garden out front; surely a few of these gardens were planted out of obligation, but the effort is still appreciated. I’m undecided on whether I prefer this to the oversized lawn ornaments that were popular with Montréal homeowners.

Other than the usual flower-heavy landscaping, a few of our neighbours have tried to brighten up their front yards in more creative ways.

On Niagara Street, there’s a “rock art” garden. The garden is to showcase the painted rocks which are available to be purchased as individual art pieces; however, I don’t think they work well as stand-alone pieces. Collectively, though, the result is cool:

I find this to be tacky and cute at the same time. 7/10

Here is an example of what I do not find cute:

The presentation isn’t even inviting: why are the ducks all facing outwards? The variety of characters is lacking, and they’re all dirty even though they’re sitting in a bird bath. 2/10

Next, there’s a house that’s guarded by two large gold cherubs. I haven’t snapped a photo as the golden babies are right on the house’s porch and to do so seems intrusive.

Now, I have some strong opinions about cherubs. I find them to be a far scarier concept than gargoyles. After all, they are giant naked babies propelled by tiny wings. I may be deaf, but I do wonder why nobody mentions how cherubs likely make buzzing sounds when in flight. The nakedness also confuses me as it has to be chilly up high in the air. Finally, giving babies the authority to decide who falls in love with who? How is this okay?

ALTHOUGH!

This is a t-shirt design I’d wear; I appreciate the strategically placed serpent. But as golden statues in front of someone’s house? 3/10

As I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, in my next post, I shall enter people’s homes to make fun of their empty fruit bowl and candle collection.

(If you’d like to send us a housewarming gift, a Charlie Brown candle’ll do.)