Inkjet independence.

I have a printer now!

I shared this exciting news with a friend who asked, “What are you gonna use it for?”

  1. Printing stuff.
  2. Scanning my ass.
  3. Faxing like it’s 1999!

The cats have already decided that they want to use it as a pedestal. So, I’ve had to store it away somewhere inconvenient until I figure out how to cat butt-proof it.

Once I find a permanent location to set it up, I’ll be able to send anything from my phone directly to the printer, from important documents to…

A slightly wrinkled letter sized page with a crease across the middle features a print-out of a lavender haired bitmoji eating a sandwich while wearing a white t-shirt with a sandwich graphic. The bitmoji is supposed to represent me.

A Bitmoji of me eating a sandwich while wearing a sandwich tee.

I’m the opposite of a compulsive shopper. For years I was printing stuff out at work, while allowed, still requires me to ask for permission. Last summer, I got Kristina to print out that fake letter we typed up for the then-tenants of the suite across from ours. The note featured the letterhead used by the property management company while the body demanded the removal of the trash bags that they had stored in the hallway outside of their suite for a month. This approach allowed me to remain on good terms with the tenant while getting them to remove their garbage.

It worked brilliantly. For that particular instance anyway. A few months later, these people went back to storing stuff in the hallway, though never long enough for me to solicit more fake notes from Kristina. Fortunately, this is guaranteed to not happen again with these people as they moved out two months ago.

The suite underwent extensive renovations and is now renting out for… $45/mo less than what Yann and I have been paying since April 2019. When our one-year lease expired, I visited the property management office to negotiate for a free parking spot, which is usually an extra $40/month. I argued that Yann and I were paying far more than anyone else in our building, as they had taken advantage of our desperation for a pet-friendly rental. So, we’ve been receiving “free” parking ever since then. Yet, this freshly renovated suite is still $5/mo lower.

If there was a regulation prohibiting vacant suites of equal or lesser value from being rented for lower than what established tenants of the same building are paying, that would be super.

No, “If you don’t like it, move!” is not an appealing solution. I’ve already moved 15 times in my adult life. I may be a relocation professional, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy it. Indeed, my relocation restlessness is the root of my reluctance to buy stuff.

The second-floor suite of the building next to ours has been vacant for months.

View of the second and ground-floor suites of the apartment building next to mine. The window of the ground-floor suite has been pixelated to protect the tenant's privacy. The second-floor suite, however, is vacant, and also obscured by the reflection on the window.
(I’ve pixelated the window of the ground floor suite as someone lives there.)

Yann and I have tried finding the listing for this place to no avail. It’s been empty since the beginning of the year. Two months ago, a Persian carpet magically appeared in the living room, suggesting that someone was about to move in. But, either this new tenant–who we’ve never seen–owns a Persian carpet and nothing else, or this was the landlord’s idea of upgrading the place.

A gif of Tom Hanks sinking through a hole in the floor that had been covered by a Persian carpet.  Tom Hanks is about 30 years old: he is wearing a light grey three-piece suit with a black tie.
Scene from the 1986 classic, The Money Pit.

Suppose the rent of this place makes moving worthwhile, what would be the most effective way of moving into it? Do we open the window and try chucking our belongings in there? Do we get a long plank to slide our stuff into the living room, onto the Persian carpet that appears to be included with the place?

One of the 15 times I’ve moved so far involved moving into a building 100 meters away. A car was used to move the bigger stuff, but mainly my moving team and I transported all my boxes from the third floor of my old place to the third floor of my new place by foot.

I kept the key to the building so that I could access the laundry room as it was closer than the nearest laundromat. Also, unbeknownst to the other tenants, the hatch leading to the roof of the building was unsecured, which made for a prime viewing spot for L’International des Feux Loto-Québec (international fireworks competition).

In summary of this post: I have a new printer; I’m paying too much in rent; and I’m so tired of moving that it’s going to take more than a free Persian carpet to get us out of our current place.

One thought on “Inkjet independence.

  1. Every time I buy a printer I use it 3 times and then the ink dries up after not using it for 3 years. Can you print me stuff and mail it to me?


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