On Friday, February 6th, my blog saw 289 visitors, including 105 from Israel and two from the Turks & Caicos Islands.
It was a Parade of Nations at Squaremeat.com. Let’s entertain my delusion for a second and imagine all these athletes returning to their lodgings in Olympic Village to spend the evening perusing my 2020 review on the documentary, American Factory.
Pardon my skepticism.
I suspect it was a result of accidentally clicking the Blaze plug-in in the WordPress app: for a monthly fee, it would provide detailed information about where my hits are coming from, how long people linger on a photo, and how fast my visitors can run a kilometre. My tinfoil hat theory is that WordPress/Blaze was trying to tickle my curiosity by flooding my blog with bots.
Fuck that.
Besides, Strava will tell me how fast my friends run, and tell them how fast I run. I’ve inadvertently led at least one follower on Strava to believe that my newfound hobby has cultivated moments of deep reflection, such as:
“It was the possibility of darkness that made the day seem so bright.“
In truth, I’ve made 2026 the year of Stephen King novel quotes my Strava theme. Last year’s theme was Spongebob quotes which, frankly, was a better fit for the level of insight I gain while my heart operates at 100+ beats per minute.
In reality, I think about this scene often while running:
My reflections are barely as deep as the puddles I often leap over.
“I wonder why burglars don’t wear pantyhose over their heads anymore.”
Then I’ll turn a corner and find myself on a street lined with blossoming plum trees and think, “Shit, it is so beautiful here. I must stop and engage in an act of basic bitchery.”
Hence this photo:
I opted to run rather than ride yesterday afternoon as I’d already spent 30 minutes on the trainer in the morning, experiencing discomfort in the comfort of my living room. I would have bailed on the race, except I was the one who proposed it. It was an opportunity to ride with the other ladies of RIOT, whom I don’t normally race with. Only two of them showed up, and they both dropped me on the climb.
I came in 12th out of 28 in this coed race. Not too bad, but I haven’t been performing as well this year as I did when I first started. At least with running, I’m on an upward trajectory. I set some sort of new record every run, and Strava’s AI presents me with some sort of morale-boosting message every time I finish a run.
“You’re crushing it!”
It’s also declared:
“You just finished an activity!”
Uh, yes. Yes, Strava, I’ve yet to outrun my brain cells.
Tomorrow morning is my last official race with the RIOT Mint squad until November. It hasn’t snowed in Victoria once this winter, and with the blossoming trees already starting to bloom, I’ll have no need for Watopia’s virtual coastlines.
“The wheels of progress; sooner or later they took you back to where you started from.” –Stephen King, The Shining
The above quote is why Stephen King is a millionaire, and I am not.
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