I’m back to using my e-reader, which means I can read by the light of my mandle. You’d think it’d create the right ambience for works of erotica, except the object of desire in the book I am currently reading, Sky Daddy by Kate Folk, is not human. The protagonist is horny for airplanes.
Am I reading… airplane smut? I am! And I’m enjoying it!
I started the 352-page book on Tuesday, and already I’m 83% done. I picked up this book because I was in the mood for something weird, and it certainly has ticked that box.
My next date with an airplane has been scheduled for June 29th. An Airbus A350-1000 will transport me and my bike to London, UK, where I’ll have five days to make up for the sights I missed out on during my first visit in 2022, which saw me stricken down with COVID. Airfare for this upcoming trip cost me dearly, thanks to the surge in jet fuel prices brought on by the Middle East crisis.
What a privileged thing to bitch about, eh?
As soon as I booked my flight to London, I had to contact British Airways’ customer service department to inform them that I would be travelling with a bike so they could reserve space in the cargo hold. A chatbot initiated the conversation before connecting me to a purported live agent. At the end of our brief interaction, when the agent asked me if I had any other questions, I posed my version of the Turing test.
“What’s your favourite movie?”
“I think my favourite childhood movie will always be Zathura. It’s one of those films that just sticks with you.”
I thanked the agent for humouring me and gave my chat experience a five-star rating.
On July 6th, my bike and I, along with Ed, Hannah, Fatema, and their bikes, will board another British Airways flight for the main event: a cycle tour of Slovenia.
My return to Canada is scheduled for July 16th and will involve two flights, with the first to Istanbul. Not surprisingly, there is currently a travel advisory in place for Türkiye, which would arouse the protagonist of Sky Daddy, whose ultimate fantasy is to get wrecked in an airplane. I have neither a fear nor a kink for flying.
I have other means to trigger my anxiety, namely an upcoming dentist visit. For the sake of ending this post on a positive note, I’ll save the details for another day.
Last night, I went bouldering for the first time in over a year. Since changing employers three years ago, I’ve fallen out of contact with most folks in the climbing community. I’ve also since learned–and embraced–that I’m better suited to high-intensity cardio sports, like cycling, and even running. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still enjoy climbing.
One of my last remaining climbing buddies Nic and I were long overdue for a catch up. In fact, he gave me a birthday card and gift he’d been holding onto since last November! We settled on an evening session at the BoulderHouse, where we showed up a bit after 7pm, hoping the gym’s peak hours were behind us. Alas, it was wall-to-wall with sinewy people in toques.
“When will climbing stop being so popular?” I lamented.
Nic shrugged.
“Someone needs to come up with a joke similar to the one that brought down rollerblading in the 90s.”
Nic wasn’t familiar with the joke.
“What’s the hardest part about rollerblading?”
“Telling your parents that you’re gay.”
Of the things I miss from the 90s, the rampant homophobia isn’t one of them. Anyway, it’s too late because queers LOVE climbing. To quote a Reddit user, “Rock climbers and lesbians both have short nails, so there is already good cross-compatibility.“
Today’s sport was road riding. Two hours and 1,148 calories later, en route home from the grocery store, I spotted a bench bathed in the warm glow of the sun along the Bowker Creek Walkway. I approached it with weary legs to get a feel of my inevitable senior citizenry. As I was reading the plaque on the bench, a green-haired sprite appeared at my side. It was Alexa on her way to yoga class. We exchanged brief hellos before I was left to enjoy a few minutes of serenity in the sunshine.
Alexa then texted me, presumably while in the lotus position on her mat at the yoga studio, “I like running into you! Twice in one week! It feels like we’re friendly neighbours.”
“…the bench I’m sitting on says, “What a wonderful world.🥹“
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