Am I crazy, or is that a lot of sugar? 

I went into work this afternoon to stock up on fuel for tomorrow’s ride: five energy gels, a bag of “share size” (ok, I see companies are using a more inclusive term these days), Swedish berries, 710mL of Gatorade (Glacier Cherry), and a Honey Stinger energy waffle.

Along with never having done cocaine or changed a diaper, I’ve never bonked.

*knock on wood*

Assuming I can cram all these discretionary calorie items into my jersey pockets, I’ll have access to a total of 275 grams of sugar and 415 grams of carbs. Which sounds like a lot. But it might not be enough.

An online cycling fuelling calculator has put the carb target at 90 grams per hour. If it takes me an hour and 20 minutes to do this ride (I’ve pulled an average speed of 30km/h out of my very ambitious ass), I’ll apparently require closer to 500g of carbs.

When I picked up my rider’s package yesterday, the lady “ooh’d” me as she noted that I’d registered for the full distance. I had mixed feelings about her reaction. Gabby later told me that she was also ooh’d when she collected her package, and that she was told only 20 women had registered for the distance.

“It’s not a race.”

Right. The full name of the event is “Ryder Hesjedal’s Tour de Victoria.” As Victorians know, Ryder is just some guy who really enjoyed casual riding.

I might have to snort lines of maltodextrin off my aero handlebars.