Ignore the part in my last post where I claimed to be decent at Mario Kart 8. I recently activated the three-month membership to Nintendo Switch Online that was included with the console and tested my karting skills online. These Miis were my first opponents.
What shape is this cookie supposed to be?
“Boot for people with gout” is the leading suggestion.
Continue reading “Decent.”The Kenmore is officially in service!
Nic invited me to sew at his studio last Friday. There, I would have ample space to work on my project and gain access to his sewing supplies as I don’t have anything beyond a sewing machine, black thread, and scissors yet. Unbeknownst to me, I was about to subject myself to a curious blend of fragrances as his studio is nearby a brewery, coffee roastery, ice creamery (think homemade waffle cones), and a perfumery. The essence of independent businesses was less pronounced in the studio itself. That, or my nose got so confused by all the smells that my brain eventually cancelled them all out.
Before I could get sewing, I needed to do some maintenance. The thought of putting a 47-year-old machine to work before cleaning and lubricating it made me uneasy. Trauma from years of servicing bikes with thirsty chains and gunked-up drivetrains, I suppose.
The manual included instruction and diagrams on how to clean and oil the machine. Unfortunately, I forgot to include the manual when I packed up the machine for Nic’s studio. An online search for this manual in PDF format brought up two results, both of which were paid downloads. Now I want to scan my manual and put it online for FREE as a fuck you to those two Etsy sellers.
Nic ended up driving me home so that I could retrieve the manual. What a gentleman.
I’m officially middle-aged. Let the cloud yelling commence!
But, no, I am more likely to sit on a park bench with my lightly creased middle-aged friends drinking peyote juice, giggling all the way to death’s doorstep.
Let me get a few grievances out of the way:
-My birthday was yesterday. Not enough people congratulated me on my life being half over. If this was you, please hang your head in shame.
-November is easily the worst month of the year. Cold, rainy, and mostly dark. If it was you who invented November, go fuck yourself.
-BSOs. $300 isn’t pocket change, but it can not reasonably be used to purchase a bicycle. BSO = Bicycle Shaped Object. Don’t have bicycle money? Buy a skateboard: they’re safer and more reliable than BSOs.
-$9 for one pound of strawberries at Fairway Market? It’s still a better deal than BSOs, but I guess bananas are the only fruit I’ll eat for the foreseeable future. 79 cents a pound, bitch.
-It takes almost two hours to get to White Rock from the Tsawwassen ferry terminal by bus. 35km! Probably faster to get there by skateboard.
Continue reading “Halfway there.”Jordi helped me break into my dad’s house a few weeks ago. I stayed outside on the front lawn while he entered the house using my spare key. Moments later, Jordi trotted out of the house, cradling a bunch of goods in his arms. He told me he’d scored a bunch of spark plugs. But why? I didn’t ask for spark plugs. I didn’t even need spark plugs. I looked at the so-called spark plugs and recognized them as cheap MEC bike lights. Wonderful. Thanks, Jordi.
Fortunately, all this happened in my sleep. My dreams are usually a mishmash of recent events, conversation topics, and things I’ve seen. The appearance of MEC bike lights happened in reserve. Just now, Jordi asked whether I still had the rear bike light I’d borrowed from him over a month ago. I recall returning it to him ASAP, but I had a medley of cheap rear lights in my bike stuff bin and gave those to him.
Continue reading “Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.”
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