Chasing that happy medium.

In a conversation with a friend about “the good old days”, I recalled the dopamine hit I’d experience when my second grade teacher hot glued a strip of satin cord diagonally to a sheet of paper to denote I’d hit my reading goal for the month. Complete all ten months, and I’d have all the colours in the rainbow (plus two?). To little Laura, this was the equivalent of getting paid to do something I already loved to do.

Now we’re mostly chasing something intangible: a digital symbol, whether it comes in the form of a star, heart, thumbs up, or an up arrow. We wait for these digital symbols to be transmitted via our little $800 rectangle screen.

My latest ride, uploaded to Strava, titled “Gathering of Juggalos” (alternative title: Burger’s Wienerfest), has received six Kudos so far. That’s six thumbs up: that’s four more thumbs up than I’m able to give myself. My incentive for this ride, though, was to be surrounded by the flesh versions of those kudos-givers. I activated Gracious Guest mode and toted a few cans of Bubly, chips, and popcorn (because Alexa isn’t a “chip guy” guy) to Burger’s trailer, just off the Lochside Trail. Burger was BBQing tubular meat and soy for those who spent their day for Truth and Reconciliation on their bikes. I rolled into the lot wearing a red nose, which was given to me by the roomie’s lady, who often keeps one on hand.

HELLO FELLOW JUGGALOS.

⭐❤️👍⬆️

Continue reading “Chasing that happy medium.”

9/11 wasn’t my day.

In super-recent, as of two minutes ago, news, my mouse has died. I’m using the touchpad instead, and it’s making me feel self-conscious about my tech skills.

9/11 was supposed to be New Tooth Day. The hygienist asked me how I was doing as I sat down in the dental chair. I was bursting with anxiety and confessed, “I’ve had so many setbacks that I’m afraid this won’t even happen.”

It did not happen.

I buried my face in my hands upon learning the news, trying to make sense of the disappointment. I’d already spent a few days in a cloud of negative thoughts, preparing for bad news. My preparedness did not help: I was still every bit as disappointed as I deserved to be.

Then, I had to go home and explain to my adoring fans why I still don’t have that last tooth. I won’t find out what’s going on with the implant until tomorrow morning, when I’ll see a specialized equipment-having dental specialist.

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Feline philanthropy.

First things first: Enfoiré had an emergency endoscopy this morning and is on his way to recovery. The picture below was taken shortly after he returned home. He is high as fuck.

Yann still needs financial rehabilitation, so the GoFundMe remains active. The $3000 goal is based on the loan Yann took out. Ideally, he’ll be able to pay off his loan as soon as possible before the interests start eating into his repayments.

The good news is that 43% of the goal was reached within 24 hours. The great news is that it shows Yann how many people care: not just close friends but also people who understand that such a pet emergency is a significant life event. I was more optimistic than Yann when I set up that fundraiser: I’d witnessed a flurry of kindness, many of which came from unexpected sources, after my accident last year.

Before I expound on my sentimentality, because I know everyone wants to know the answer to the question, “What was it that the little shit ate, anyway?”

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The physiognomy of the teen.

I procured new goop that matches the colour of my skin last week. It’s not just a better match than the extra-tangy new formula MAC sent me, but better than the discontinued product I’d used since my 20s. It makes sense I’d find something better, as my complexion has changed after all this time: fewer bumps, but more grooves.

What else has changed? My beliefs, writing style, lifestyle, support system, eating habits, domain, and many more. Nearly every cell in my body has been replaced since I wrote my first blog post 25 years ago.

In case you missed it, I discuss popular sluts aka pluts:

Surely it served as an inspiration to one of the writers for Futurama as Popular Slut Club made an appearance in the 19th episode of season 6, which came out in 2011. (Thanks Jordi, for bringing this to my attention.) So, I’m taking credit for this.

Continue reading “The physiognomy of the teen.”