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~ Lkvy ~ Leave a comment

8:46am- Jordi and I are on our way to Calgary. We’ve been up since 4am.

I’m currently admiring the tribal and swoosh designs on trailers and RVs, while inhaling fresh manure from the fields of Chilliwack.

It is HOT.

9:03am- Chilliwack is beautiful. Every time I go through Chilliwack, I think of the deaf kid who took a taxi to get from Chilliwack to school in Langley. He did this from kindergarten until grade 12. It’s an hour drive each way, yeesh.

10:02am-

“What’s a gyme?”

Now leaving Hope. When Jordi mentioned that Rambo was filmed here, I was like, “Really? Well, I’ve never seen Rambo.”

“That does not surprise me.”

A few minutes later, we were confronted with this:

10:11am- I also wondered out loud why Hope wasn’t a more populous town. It’s a beautiful place.

Jordi said there were a lot of drug addicts.

“So does Victoria?”

But it’s boiling here and it’s somehow only 21 degrees and it’s supposed to get up to 35!

“Now I see why people don’t want to live in Hope.”

11:13am-

No.

1:16pm- Just looking at Kamloops makes me thirsty.

2/10. Would not live here.

2:35pm- 28 degrees in Salmon Arm. I’m hot and sleepy. Amazingly, Jordi is holding up well. We’re just over halfway to Calgary. Oh boy…

4:05pm- Revelstoke! Beautiful town. And they have a Quiznos Sandwicherie!

The Petro Canada convenience store also conveniently had Rick & Morty bongs.

9/10. Would live here.

4:34pm- At this point, Jordi’s windshield has become too bug-splattered for proper photos of the scenery. This is Revelstoke.

We are now passing through Rogers Pass.

4:54pm-

Jordi has a sore neck from keeping his hands on the wheel for 10 hours.

“I should have brought my stupid neck pillow… How many pillows of yours have a built-in Bolo tie?”

6:13pm- Guess we crossed the time zone.

7:28pm- We’ve crossed into Alberta! Not sure we’ll make it to Calgary before sundown. We might end up getting a hotel.

7:46pm- Over 900km now. A car with a Florida plate just passed us, followed by a car with a California plate!

We’ve gone under 5 wildlife overpasses. Ooh, here’s #6.

8:02pm- We’ve passed Florida Man, who seems to be unable to convert miles per hour into km/h.

Also… a prison bus! What a nice route for the prisoners!

8:40pm- Home stretch! About 20 minutes to go. Jordi is visibly uncomfortable. Hurry!

9:05pm- ⚰️ We made it!

O Cranada.

~ Lkvy ~ 1 Comment

Raygun has taken over Miga (one of the mascots of the 2010 Olympics) as my favourite Olympian. It’s like the movie Hackers. Are Hackers or Raygirl good? No. Entertaining? Yes! She did the sprinkler in an Olympic competition! The kangaroo hop made it into the Olympics! The best worst move? The alligator snap!

A lot of people are pretty mad about it. I can’t believe it. Unserious things are taken too seriously, and serious things are not taken seriously enough.

Continue reading “O Cranada.” →

Cornhole is so hot right now.

~ Lkvy ~ 3 Comments

Jordi dragged me to a pub called The Canadian Brewhouse for a cornhole showdown. It was my first time playing (to my recollection), and I was simultaneously excellent and terrible. My beanbags either landed in the hole/halfway into the hole or missed the board entirely. Jordi’s cornholing skills were more consistent; however, I would’ve been a star of the brewhouse if it weren’t for the Men’s 200m Breaststroke finals showing on the TVs.

Only Jordi witnessed me swishing the beanbag into the cornhole. That bag shot right into the middle of the cornhole without as much as grazing the rim. To use the Washington Post’s description of Léon Marchand’s Gold medal winning swim: It was aggressive. It was audacious. It was unprecedented.

Continue reading “Cornhole is so hot right now.” →

Scary rides.

~ Lkvy ~ 1 Comment

Day 35:

Blueberries are the solidest food I can eat. I braved eating a chickpea curry stew the other night. While delicious, I imagine I looked like a cat eating in slo-mo as I chowed it down.

Knuckle tattoo idea: SOUP LIFE

I’ve become so skilled in pureeing hot food that I was able to repay a friend in soup for making a cake.

Three days before his birthday, I asked the roomie about his favourite cake. The clearly troubled middle-aged lad answered, “Carrot cake.”

I’ve never made carrot cake. I’ve never officially created a list of my top ten cakes, but it wouldn’t be there. I didn’t have eggs or the time to bake a cake unnoticed. Instead, I asked a few friends for recommendations on where to get a good carrot cake, hoping none of them would answer Costco as that’s far away, and I’m not a member.

Claire had my favourite answer, “I could bake you one.”

The others in the group chat had glowing endorsements for Claire’s baking skills. Even with the bartering of homemade soup, I felt the need to personalize the cake to transform it into a gift from me rather than from Claire. I used the garden as an excuse to hang out in the backyard while awaiting the stealth cake hand-off. The roomie was hanging right outside the door of our suite as Claire walked through. Happily, it passed under the roomie’s nose undetected.

I was unsure how to decorate it, much less how to decorate it secretly. I put the box containing the cake in a paper bag, stuck the bag behind my box of Bubly sparkling water, and went to bed. I didn’t think the cake decorating was going to happen.

That night, I dreamt up the perfect cake decoration that did not require using the kitchen.

Continue reading “Scary rides.” →