Woohoo time.

What a week it’s been. I’ve attended a wedding, hosted two parties, including one where I fed an old lady rancid hamburgers. Yann and I also visited the art gallery, stole all the paintings, and then replaced them with posters of shitty movies. I started a painting of one of my fantasies, but before I could finish it, I was interrupted with a marriage proposal by a nude Yann

Today was low-key though, I made grilled cheese for the cats.

As you’ve surely guessed, I’m now leading a simulated life.

Last week, I thought, “This is the perfect time to play video games,” and purchased The Sims 4. A day later, The Sims 4 popped up in my friends’ social media feed for $5. So, the perfect time would’ve been the day after.

I went with The Sims 4 because I had fond memories of playing the original Sims in 2000. 20 years has made for some significant upgrades. This was my failed attempt at customizing my Sim:

If I remember correctly, I went into the files and edited the skin template by pasting a scan of my school photo over the original face. A few years later, a Sims 2 version of me was contrived by a friend:

 

 

It didn’t look much like me, but I was stunned to find that I owned a pillow that matched the couch in Sims 2 exactly.

Here is my current Sim:

If only I looked that put-together now. I’m greasy and dressed in a strange combination of clothing. However, there has been a surprising upgrade to my appearance: I have fingernails again. Clean fingernails. When I showed my hands’ new look to Yann, he interpreted it as me complaining and told me to go trim them.

I don’t have time to trim my fingernails, and the cats think I’ve elevated my scritching game.

Yes, I made a Sim Yann, which didn’t come out similar to actual Yann. Because our simulated family wouldn’t be complete without the cats, I shelled out extra bucks for the Cats and Dogs Expansion pack.

The game wouldn’t let me save Enfoiré’s name, forcing me to use his original name, Patapouf. (Enfoiré is a French curse word.) Our last vet refused to enter his name in their computer and instead filed him under the name Minus.

Sim Bubble is clearly recognizable as real Bubble.

Not wanting to simulate my death or get pregnant, I created a bonus character named Boopie for the purpose of torturing. She’s the one I poisoned with spoiled burgers.

I built her house so that the least private room is the washroom.

The building feature is my favourite part of the game. The possibilities are mind-blowing. Yann wanted to build too, so he got the $5 download. The houses he’s built that have been shared with the community have already been downloaded 130 times!

I try to be creative with my builds though. I made an aquarium-style pool hoping the Sims would be visible from below when swimming. It didn’t work.

I’ve made my Sim available to be drowned, starved, sleep-deprived, poisoned, and electrocuted. My username is TheSquaremeat. Yann’s majestic builds can be found under the username yts3.

As busy as I am, I’ll still make time to blog. Part Two of Long Long Documentary will be up next week. The first part hasn’t had enough views yet anyway. Apparently, people don’t have the time to read a post more than 1000 words long.