My sweet house and incoming Horse.

I was hoping to use my days off to write up a recap of Netflix’s Deaf U, but my laptop had other plans. The lock screen would appear for a fraction of a second before the computer shuts down. It was infuriating, although it also meant I was able to get started on this year’s gingerbread house.

Yes, it’s October. I should be focused on pumpkin spicing things up and eating fun sized-treats spookily; instead, I’m practicing Christmas in October. If supermarkets can do it, so can I.

The reason being that I’ve entered a contest this year. It’s a charity fundraiser contest, so I don’t think there’s even a prize. I’d enjoy the recognition, though. I need all of Victoria to know that I’m good at assembling massive slabs of cookie studded with sweets. Then Netfilx will be bidding on a reality show about me.

I’ve booked my first dentist appointment in five years. I had to tell the receptionist in an email that I couldn’t make an appointment until November because I had entered a gingerbread house contest and, no, that’s not why my teeth are terrible. I hadn’t anticipated getting offered an appointment so soon. If you think it’s strange for me to share this kind of information, watch Deaf U. We’re a culture of over-sharers.

I am sure the dentist is going to tell me that I need new teeth. I’ll request glow-in-the-dark veneers: you can’t get a brighter smile than that.

Yann and I took Enfoiré to the vet on Wednesday. He started belly mowing a few months after we moved to Victoria and it’s gotten worse recently. He’s now got fur missing from his inner thighs. It’s not cute, and I found his aggressive tit licking concerning. This, the vet said, could be a sign of an intelligent cat. Imagine if humans could be considered intelligent because they lick their nipples compulsively? Anyway, cats deal with boredom by slurping their fur off their belly.

I don’t shower often; therefore, vet logic says my life must be a thrill.

Yann built a cat-friendly shelving unit for our window so that the cats can enjoy the view outside. Our cherry tree gets lots of birds, and squirrels often can be seen darting along the phone lines. Non-stop action outside: it’s like a Western movie for cats. When the cats require some downtime, they can cozy up inside a concrete tube form encased in our old sofa cover, which they loved to shreds. Yann chose the less-ratty pieces of the old sofa cover, so it turned out nicely. We still need to stain the wood before we can check this project off the list.

I’m also in the process of telling someone how to make my bike. I put down a deposit for a custom frame with Horse a year ago. As I didn’t go anywhere this year, I’m able to afford to go all-in on this bike. This bike will be the single most expensive thing I’ve ever bought. Keep in mind, though, that I’ve never bought a car. I do expect to have this bike for much longer than anyone drives the same vehicle in Québec (Vancouver Island is full of vintage beaters).

I AM SO EXCITED.

Yann and I got a wicked deal on a smart trainer that was returned to work three weeks ago. We have a three-month free trial with Zwift, which allows us to simulate the outdoors indoors. The app has several real courses from London, France, and New York City, but my favourite is the make-believe world of Watopia that lets me stationary-cycle inside a volcano. Since Yann and I are sharing an account, I have to ride as a skinny bearded guy–not that I’d have simulated my likeness with my avatar. Sharing an account also means I need to calculate my Power to Weight Ratio manually. It’s a surprisingly respectable 3.33, to become a diabolical 6.66.

The weather in Victoria is mild for most cyclists to ride year-round, but I have Raynaud Syndrome and unspecified thermoregulation issues, which is fancy for saying I’m reptilian. In the meantime, I’m happy cycling in a pool of my sweat on the trainer.

Then by the time I get my new bike, I’ll be soooooo ready to ride inside real volcanoes.

Uhh… What else? Did I already mention the gingerbread thing?

Yes, I did. Oh, oh, Yann helped me un-fuck my laptop (for the time being, anyway), which is how I was able to write this post.