Prelude to Karlie.

“Are you going to blog about me?!”

Oh, yes. I must.

The above quote is by the perpetual wild child, Karlie. But, before we get there, allow me to carry you through the vast nothingness of the previous week. The only remarkable thing about this week–the third week of June–was getting COVID. Even then, both rapid antigen tests taken 24 hours apart refused to confirm this.

While couch-ridden for the third week in the past two months, I created a gif via Giphy, only to have Giphy reprimand me in an email a few hours later. The content I’d uploaded was too disturbing, the email said. I was ordered never to upload such a thing again.

No need: I saved it. Sensitive readers and the Giphy team might not want to click on this link leading to the offensive gif showcasing my mutual healing powers. More precisely, it’s my arm gash sealing shut over 26-days. Neat-o!

I returned to work the following week and learned the same day that I’d only have to work three days before going on a mini-vacation. That’s right: I booked a mini-vacation right before the big vacation to work within my employer’s silly interesting vacation policy.

Shit, I didn’t have anything planned.

Until I did.

My first day off involved Yann, Nate, a peacock, the worm, and Achy Breaky Heart in Beacon Hill Parks. Need I mention that bikes were also involved? Nate and I had to follow through on our plan to stop at a park to see if either of us could still do The Worm.

From L to R: Nate, Peacock.

The day of reckoning was Friday, June 17th, 2022. As determined by our impartial judge, Yann, Nate won.

“You got served!”

I did until a few basic line dancing steps to Achy Breaky Heart.

“YOU GOT SERVED!”

Nate got f’d in the A by a deaf lady doing the steps to Achy Breaky Heart. As of writing, he is weeping in Ontario.

Yann was wise enough to keep his steps to himself. Instead, he gave two tourists creepy directions to The Moss Lady sculpture.

Saturday the 18th involved Karlie, but so did the 25th. Karlie Kompilation to follow.

I proposed a cycle tour overnighter to Yann for Sunday the 19th, as we both had the same two days off. His enthusiastic response was, “That’s not the worst idea.”

Certainly no worse than putting Shaq on the cover of Woman’s World magazine:

A Shaq Attack on my feminine sensibility.

To be fair, if I ever become a celebrity of Shaq’s magnitude, I would 100% troll people by signing on to ridiculous endorsements. Also, I want to endorse love, which isn’t ridiculous, but free… until I monetize it with my celebrity.

I have lofty goals.

Sunday’s lofty goal was to make it out to Gabriola Island. Gabriola Island is accessible via ferry not from Victoria, but Nanaimo, 100km away. In case we couldn’t get a camping spot at Descanso Bay, I asked Danica if we could use her yard as a backup. Danica sent me a photo of our potential campsite, showing a tent with two carts full of roadside garbage inside.

It was tempting.

We did it: two ferries, 111km, and 1111m elevation gain later, I was at Descanso Bay with my camp chair and cucumber.

Cucumbers are the watermelon of the vegetable family and are as convenient to eat as a banana. You simply have to deal with looking a bit mad doing it.

I MAKE HEALTHY SNACKING CHOICES.

Compared to Yann and his bivy, I was glamping. To add to the glam of my cuke, here’s the glitz of my two-person tent AND camp chair.

BECAUSE I’M WHAT? SICKENING!

What I like about this photo is how Yann is putting on his shirt. Good luck removing that in your nylon coffin, buddy.

The park ranger was a Twin Peaks fan and told Yann, “The owls are not what they seem.” I thought it was neat even though I was left out of this interaction.

While Yann rubbed two sticks together to get a fire going, I visited the south cove of the park. It was even prettier than the north bay.

SICK!

I felt guilty for having left Yann at the campsite to take care of the fire. We made sure to come back the next morning. It was still beautiful, much like the auto repair shop we visited in The Upside Down:

DOPE!

This overnighter was a good test for my upcoming UK trip. I am hoping to average 100km a day, even though they measure distance in miles in the otherwise metric UK for some reason. The ride to Gabriola was solid, but I found the return trip wickedly difficult. Ultimately, I made it back home. I will, too, pull off 100km daily rides on my mega-vacation.

CECI N’EST PAS UNE DOPE!
The latest addition to my art collection: Meowijuana by Casey Weldon. It features three of my favourite things: art, cat, and weed.

And that’s all the time I’ve got for blogging tonight as I have big plans for tomorrow, the last day of Vacation Junior. Karlie news will have to wait.

My bedroom is absurdly hot even without me in it.

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