Potatoes are the new lobster.

I spent $4.50 on three small potatoes. Not even the Yukon Gold variety: Russet potatoes! Last week, I begrudgingly spent $7 on yams. It’s getting expensive to eat poor people food.

Now that I’ve got my “Old Man Yells at Cloud” grievances out of the way, I can review my busy, busy month. For the past four weeks, the legs have been spinning and the hands wrenching. The gears in my brain had also been grinding. Until my rescheduled hearing with the Residential Tenancy Branch passed, anyway.

I’m inclined to believe the arbitrator will rule in my favour. My ex-landlords’ sob story didn’t appear to faze her, nor did she give a shit about the hardships on my side. The arbitrator was focused on whether my eviction was legal and pointed out that the ex-landlords’ eviction note to me was invalid. The ex-landlords also failed to create a proper tenancy agreement. Another big blunder on their side appeared in their evidence which mentioned how they didn’t want to use the basement suite as an access point as they were planning to rent it out again “soon”. Wow!

During the hearing the ex-landlords mentioned how the house was paid off years ago and weren’t looking to make a profit with my tenancy. They claimed they were looking to recoup enough to cover the cost of utilities. Really?! It’s not like I turned the suite into a grow-op and needed a thousand dollars worth of juice monthly.

I won’t know the arbitrator’s decision for another two to three weeks. I’m glad this is all over and that I can focus on my previous–also illegal–eviction. This landlord told the roomie and me she wanted to sell the suite. She never gave us a formal eviction letter; instead, she kept asking my roomie if we’d found a new place. While we were still in the unit, we had to deal with the realtor pulling off a challenging guided tour in which they had to convince the prospective buyer that the place wasn’t a total shithole.

After we moved out, the suite underwent renovations for about a month. Three weeks ago, the realtor’s sign disappeared. The lockbox was no longer attached to the front doorknob. And the listing? Not even highlighted as “sold” on the realtor’s website. What the fuck is going on here on this day?

So, I emailed the realtor to find out, not as myself, of course. To my surprise, she offered to set up a viewing when I requested one. I responded by asking for the link to the posting, as it had disappeared. It was then revealed that the suite had been taken off the market, but, “My seller is still interested in selling.”

“Why was it taken off the market?” my catfishing persona inquired.

“Sales for townhouses and condos haven’t been super strong, so the seller is exploring different options.”

It sounds like this landlord is going to rent it out again. Or put it up on AirBnb or something. I will find out. How? Jordi lives next door to this suite. We’ll know the instant someone new moves in. I’ve preemptively offered my roomie the $100 fee for filing a dispute through the Residential Tenancy Branch as I was a mere roommate and therefore cannot file the dispute.

I implore anyone who has been shafted by their landlord to file a dispute through the Residential Tenancy Branch. Housing shouldn’t be a luxury. Neither should potatoes!

Part two of my recap of my month-long break to come…. It will be more pleasant and involve cat photos.