20+ years ago, the internet gave birth to the “Jeff Goldblum is watching you poop” meme. This was the inspiration behind this week’s fridge statement, which evolves as the roomie or I swap out a word or two as we putter around in the kitchen.
“Jeff Bridges is helping you poop.”
As of this morning, it says, “Jeff Bezos is poop”. It won’t be long before we run out of famous Jeffs to assign poop-related actions to and move on to the next random theme.
Here’s a throwback photo of these handmade fridge magnets’ first year at work:
This, cherished readers, serves as my seamless transition to Murakami’s latest contribution to Pubes in Literature, found on page 330 of his novel, 1Q84:
“Ninety-eight people out of a hundred would probably be reminded by it of pubic hair.”
In this instance, though, Murakami is describing the hair on a character’s head rather than pubic hair itself. Another line that prompted me to make some kind of face was:
“…still had his strength and intelligence and kindness, and now he was a grown man with thick arms, a broad chest, and big, strong genitals.”
I continue to read through the book at a steady rate, occasionally charmed by profound insights such as:
“That’s what the world is, after all: an endless battle of contrasting memories.”
And, in reference to Niagara Falls:
“It was the most boring town in the world.”
I disagree with this assessment, but not that strongly. Indeed, I don’t have any interesting anecdotes about my 1998 visit to Niagara Falls to share.
Since yesterday, I’ve been racking my brain for how to write a concise Google review for Island Eyecare. I don’t put too much stock in the one-star reviews people leave for businesses, since they are often left by unreasonable ex-patrons. Any business can have an off day. When I leave an establishment with a less-than-stellar experience, and it continues to bother me the next day, I might take the time to submit feedback directly to the owner, allowing them to offer an explanation and/or resolution. But this doesn’t happen often.
In August, after a follow-up appointment for the dry eye treatment I received from Island Eyecare that left me feeling as if I’d gotten shafted, I sent them the following email:
Hello Island Eyecare,
I’m writing because yesterday’s appointment did not meet my expectations.
I was okay with waiting 30 minutes. I was not okay with how obvious it was that Dr. Narang was running behind. The whole interaction was so rushed. It was my third time having my meibomian glands scanned, and the only time Dr. Narang didn’t highlight them using the software on the computer. The first two times, the glands were highlighted to show the blockage. Without visual proof, I have to take Dr. Narang’s word for it when she said there has been improvement, even though my eyes are as dry and itchy as ever.
I asked Dr. Narang if I could buy boxes of dailies even though my contact prescription was out of date. She said yes and asked me to try a pair of contacts.
I asked if I could buy boxes because I needed them for this Saturday. I thought it meant they would be in stock. When I went up to pay, not only was I surprised by a $45 eye examination, but I was also told that I’d be contacted when the contacts arrived. I asked because I needed them immediately.
I was assertive enough to ask for a breakdown of the charges. When the eye examination fee was disclosed, I did not want to imply Dr. Narang’s labour wasn’t worth it; however, in this case, it wasn’t. I did not request an examination. I’ve had an examination for contact lenses by Dr. Narang in the past, and what I got yesterday wasn’t it.
This sucks. Are you okay with how yesterday’s interaction went?
Laura
The next email I received from them informed me that my contact lenses had arrived, well after the event (Tour de Victoria) I needed them for. I responded to this email, letting them know I was awaiting a response to my feedback, and included a copy of that feedback in my response.
The next day, when picking up the contact lenses, I checked in with the receptionist to see if they had received my feedback. After a few minutes of searching their inbox, the receptionist informed me that they had not received any such email. To ensure they got it, I re-sent the email from my phone. The receptionist gave me a thumbs-up, and I thanked them before leaving with my two boxes of contact lenses, which I no longer had an immediate need for.
After a week–and after checking my spam folder–I still hadn’t gotten anything. I had another follow-up appointment scheduled for November 20th, so I decided to send another brief email informing them that I would not be returning.
Even this email was undeserving of a response.
A week before November 20th, I got an automated email reminding me of the upcoming appointment. At that point, I changed my mind about not returning. I wasn’t going to return for the follow-up appointment. The purpose of my next visit was to haunt the folks who’d ghosted me.
I dropped by Island Eyecare on my way downtown last week to confront them in person. I did so in the most neutral way possible. Basically, “After every visit I’ve had here, I’ve gotten an automated email asking me for feedback. How come I have not received a response to the feedback I shared?”
The receptionist said she’d make sure the owner followed up on that.
“Alright. I’ll come by next week,” I replied.
“Do you have an appointment?”
“No, I don’t. I’ll only come by if I don’t receive a response. I’m deaf, so calling isn’t the best option for me. Besides, I live nearby.”
The next day, I got an email from someone at Island Eyecare asking me to forward my original feedback (which I’d already sent four times).
Yesterday, after my feedback had vanished into the depths of their email server for the fifth time, I decided to visit the source of my ire: their office. There, I explained the situation to another receptionist, who then summoned the owner. The two of them scrolled through the email thread on my phone while I looked on from the other side of the counter.
Finally, the owner looked at me and started speaking to me. I pointed to my notepad, gesturing that he needed to write to communicate with me:
Did he not understand the issue? Had Dr. Narang been thorough, she would have told me, “We would need to update your prescription before we can sell you contact lenses. I can do a quick eye exam: there is a $45 charge.”
The owner reverted to speaking to me. Once again, I motioned to write on the notepad. He pointed at his face with both index fingers, said a few more words, and then I looked over at the receptionist and managed to lipread her say, “I’ll do it.” He then disappears to the back.
The receptionist explained that he had been in the middle of a treatment and that he had numbing cream on his face.
?!
I explained to the receptionist that I’d sent that email to give them an opportunity to clarify/resolve what happened, as I like to give businesses a chance to address any issues before leaving an online review.
“Of course, getting my $45 refunded would be nice and reasonable. But, he (referring to the owner) doesn’t seem to think so, which is disappointing.”
I got the gist that the receptionist was embarrassed by her boss’ conduct. I continued:
“I feel like a lot of people are lazy about communicating with me, eg, forcing me to lipread even after I ask them to write. So, I try to get clarification when I feel like I don’t have enough information. I don’t know what else I can do. I am managing my disability the best I can.”
She refunded me that $45. I gave her my sincere thanks as she was the most helpful person I’d encountered at Island Eyecare in months.
A few hours after getting home, I find some bullshit email from them stinking up my inbox:
“…Your feedback is extremely valuable, and it helps us improve the way we communicate with all of our patients especially those who rely on augmentative and alternative communication. We never want you to feel rushed or unheard, and we are committed to making sure that any future visits feel comfortable, clear, and respectful of your needs. We want to assure you that it is very important to us that every patient feels supported and accommodated, your experience highlighted areas where we can do better, and we will be taking steps to ensure that our communication is more accessible and patient-centered moving forward.“
The owner ran away from me mid-conversation because he had numbing cream on his face!!!
How the devil am I supposed to turn this into a digestible Google review that doesn’t roll eyes?
squaremeat.com 