Author: Lkvy

I'm a Deaf vagabond currently living on Vancouver Island. Bicycles dominate my life, but I also make time for climbing, hiking, camping, and cats. And if I have time left over after all that, I write about it.

Fair haired and unfairly charged.

~ Lkvy ~ 6 Comments

At least twice a week, some seemingly satirical character pops into the bike shop, says something hilarious, and leaves me thinking, “Oh no, this is too good to not write about on the internet. Yet, I cannot do it.”

It’s torturous being this much of a square.

Even though I generally respect people less than I did ten years ago, I show them more respect. To be fair, this is probably because so many more people been involved in my life since then.

Instead, the scandal of the week is going to have to be about my new thing, which is…

Continue reading “Fair haired and unfairly charged.” →

Millennial stuff.

~ Lkvy ~ 8 Comments

I am five years older than Yann, which isn’t a significant difference. It’s not exactly an insignificant difference either, as proven by our discussion the other night. I was explaining to him how I had spent part of my day indulging in nostalgia by browsing the old internet. I did this by Wayback Machine-ing a few of my old favorites.

The internet used to be uglier, but it was also a lot more fun. Right now, it’s so consumer-driven. Once pop-up blockers got effective, the internet had to get creative with advertising which is now disguised as social media apps or sponsored blog posts.

Splash pages are dead. Guestbooks are no more. Chat rooms are obscure. Even webcams have disappeared, and they were a prerequisite for personal websites of the late 90s/early 00s, usually appearing in the sidebar. The chosen photo would be the webmaster/webmistress’ (two of the most short-lived terms to ever exist) pick of the day.

Sometimes, the webcam would be live, refreshing at a rate of once every five seconds or slower. I had to stop there and further explain live cams to Yann.

“Streaming camera, you mean?” he asked.

“Oh, no. Those were the days of dial-up internet.” I paused to fix my glasses and brush a wisp of grey hair out of my face, “We didn’t have streaming media.”

“So, it’s like video chat?”

“No, you just let people watch you in total anonymity,” I continued as I leaned back in the rocking chair, preparing to school my young boyfriend on the golden age of the web.

He was creeped out.

Continue reading “Millennial stuff.” →

Reborn on the internet as a cat.

~ Lkvy ~ 3 Comments

My top three skills are:

1. I’m exceptionally fast at throwing words up on the screen. My average is over 100 words per minute, and I can type in bursts of 130wpm, which puts me in the top 1%. This is almost meaningless, especially as I’m prone to repetitive strain injuries. At best, it allows me to make Boomers feel inadequate.

A circular digital alarm clock with camo pattern is shown with a Smartie shaped device meant to be inserted under the pillow to shake the person awake. The text reads
What a strongly worded product description.

2. I have excellent circadian rhythm. Ask me what time it is, and I’m usually able to correctly guess within a 15-minute range. I don’t need an alarm clock to wake up (many deaf people use either a flashing or a vibrating alarm clock). Jet lag doesn’t seem to affect my internal clock: I can still get up at 5am Japan Standard Time if needed, and I have!

3. I have the world’s most airtight asshole. Of course, I fart, but I do so within the confines of a washroom, or when I’m alone. I never fart in public. The ex with whom I lived for more than five years can vouch for this, as can Yann, my co-habitator of three years. This is a skill I’ve developed out of what I believe to be basic decency.

But enough about me. Please now direct your attention to…

Continue reading “Reborn on the internet as a cat.” →

A rapid succession of non-successes.

~ Lkvy ~ 1 Comment

I miss bouldering. It’s not that Victoria doesn’t have a bouldering gym, it’s just not Bloc Shop. I’ve switched back to climbing. Yes, there’s a difference: one can be good at climbing, but suck at bouldering. This was me until I moved to Montréal and started going to Bloc Shop regularly. Then, I was mediocre at both.

In a seemingly futile attempt to improve, Yann and I would often film each other’s attempts on the trickier problems (bouldering routes are called problems). These videos were usually deleted from my phone shortly afterward; however, many of them ended up being automatically uploaded to my Google account.

What was I supposed to do with them all?

Make a compilation of our fails!*

Continue reading “A rapid succession of non-successes.” →