Category: about me

Job insecurity.

~ Lkvy ~ 10 Comments

I had an interview last Thursday. It was for the same job I’ve had for the past year. The exact same job. This is what the job market has come to.

In the 70s, employers had to beg for workers.

In the 80s, I don’t know, because I don’t appear to have a family member who tried to break into the job market that decade. I assume it was the same as the 70s, but with more hairspray and shoulder pads.

In the 90s, you needed a resume, but you were able to list “married” as one of your qualifications as my mom did.

In the 00s, this Millennial had an argument with her mother about whether “married” and “non-smoker” were descriptors appropriate for a resume. Jobs in the 00s required that you include a cover letter and fill out an application form, AND thank a potential employer for taking the time to even consider you.

2010? You definitely need connections.

Now that we’re at the beginning of the third decade of the millennium, we need to convince our employers to keep us on. I’m not opposed to this idea, though, as there are definitely people who have flown under the radar doing the bare minimum without making a sack-worthy misstep. I’m tired of picking up the slack. Too bad I’m only mostly sure that my employer doesn’t see me that way, which stresses me out. I should have brought snacks to the interview.

If I don’t get the job I already have, it’s because I didn’t bring donuts. No donuts, no job.

A donut with a single bite taken out of it rests on a white plate. The circle with a slash symbol is shown overlapping the photo.
A donut stands between me and the job not of my dreams, but reality.

Continue reading “Job insecurity.” →

Millennial stuff.

~ Lkvy ~ 8 Comments

I am five years older than Yann, which isn’t a significant difference. It’s not exactly an insignificant difference either, as proven by our discussion the other night. I was explaining to him how I had spent part of my day indulging in nostalgia by browsing the old internet. I did this by Wayback Machine-ing a few of my old favorites.

The internet used to be uglier, but it was also a lot more fun. Right now, it’s so consumer-driven. Once pop-up blockers got effective, the internet had to get creative with advertising which is now disguised as social media apps or sponsored blog posts.

Splash pages are dead. Guestbooks are no more. Chat rooms are obscure. Even webcams have disappeared, and they were a prerequisite for personal websites of the late 90s/early 00s, usually appearing in the sidebar. The chosen photo would be the webmaster/webmistress’ (two of the most short-lived terms to ever exist) pick of the day.

Sometimes, the webcam would be live, refreshing at a rate of once every five seconds or slower. I had to stop there and further explain live cams to Yann.

“Streaming camera, you mean?” he asked.

“Oh, no. Those were the days of dial-up internet.” I paused to fix my glasses and brush a wisp of grey hair out of my face, “We didn’t have streaming media.”

“So, it’s like video chat?”

“No, you just let people watch you in total anonymity,” I continued as I leaned back in the rocking chair, preparing to school my young boyfriend on the golden age of the web.

He was creeped out.

Continue reading “Millennial stuff.” →

Reborn on the internet as a cat.

~ Lkvy ~ 3 Comments

My top three skills are:

1. I’m exceptionally fast at throwing words up on the screen. My average is over 100 words per minute, and I can type in bursts of 130wpm, which puts me in the top 1%. This is almost meaningless, especially as I’m prone to repetitive strain injuries. At best, it allows me to make Boomers feel inadequate.

A circular digital alarm clock with camo pattern is shown with a Smartie shaped device meant to be inserted under the pillow to shake the person awake. The text reads
What a strongly worded product description.

2. I have excellent circadian rhythm. Ask me what time it is, and I’m usually able to correctly guess within a 15-minute range. I don’t need an alarm clock to wake up (many deaf people use either a flashing or a vibrating alarm clock). Jet lag doesn’t seem to affect my internal clock: I can still get up at 5am Japan Standard Time if needed, and I have!

3. I have the world’s most airtight asshole. Of course, I fart, but I do so within the confines of a washroom, or when I’m alone. I never fart in public. The ex with whom I lived for more than five years can vouch for this, as can Yann, my co-habitator of three years. This is a skill I’ve developed out of what I believe to be basic decency.

But enough about me. Please now direct your attention to…

Continue reading “Reborn on the internet as a cat.” →

Slightly irregular.

~ Lkvy ~ 5 Comments

The other day, Yann directed me to look to the left. He’s so bossy sometimes, trying to control my facial movements. Then, he informed me that I had a spot of blood in my eye. I love receiving this kind of information! It does not freak me out at all!

“It’s not blood, my right eye is just two different colours,” I said defensively.

Irked by my reaction, he took a picture of my eye as proof: it really was a 3mm spot of blood in the white of the eye. My lower eyelid had been twitching all day, which was annoying, but not alarming. But, the photo Yann had taken was enough to conjure the worrywart in me.

I told Yann that he had to play Web MD. No way was I going to subject myself to more gory eye photos! According to Dr. Internet via Yann, it was a subconjunctival hemorrhage. Mostly harmless, but on occasion turns out to be the spider eggs that have just hatched from inside the eyeball. Furthermore, the older I get, the more I can look forward to these spontaneous burst vessels.

This wasn’t a piece of fun new information to learn about myself.

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It’s still easier to make hats than new friends.

~ Lkvy ~ 4 Comments

Three and a half years go, I knitted my first scarf. Since then, I have knitted four toques. I nearly finished a fifth in the time it took to drive from Montréal to Vancouver, but when I got to the stitch decreases for the crown, I decided my handiwork was a waste of fancy yarn and unravelled the whole thing.

I’ve started something new, but it is not going well. Reading a knitting pattern is a skill I have yet to master. It goes something like this:

1: K1, P2, K2, K1togbl2, *K2, P2; rep from * across, end K2.

2: K1below, P3

3: Alternate between rows 1 and 2, until you realize that you’ve spent hours doing the wrong thing, and clench your jaw so hard in anger that your teeth shatter.

Ah, what a relaxing hobby.

Continue reading “It’s still easier to make hats than new friends.” →