When Jordi heard the kettle click, I sprung from the couch.
“How did you do that?”
Banner Day.
Category: deafness
Forget Jebus.
A month ago, Kristen texted me requesting my improv acting skills—a skill I did not know I had. This was to take place at Vancouver Community College, and I’d been looking for an excuse to visit the mainland. I didn’t realize that the date was right before the long weekend when everybody’s hyped about crossing the Strait of Georgia to get to the island or vice versa. Good Friday enthusiasts are no good.
Alright, I’ll leave before the long weekend ferry rush. Still, travelling to the ferry terminal right after work didn’t float my boat, and it’d been a while since I’d taken the seaplane. That was the plan until a co-worker pointed out Helijet was having a sale: $137. I’d never been in a helicopter!
Continue reading “Forget Jebus.”Nocturnal snacks.
Happy National Hangover Day!
January 1st and I’ve already achieved my New Year’s resolution. One of them, anyway:
I didn’t need to summon Bill Murray via phone after all. I watched a YouTube video (powering though the irritating formatting of the auto-generated captions) in which the creator talked about how old sewing machines stop functioning because they don’t like sitting around unused. So, I opened up my machine again and determined which moving parts caused the zig zagging motion. It took about 10 Q-Tips doused in isopropyl alcohol, a few milliliters of sewing machine oil, and manually moving the parts to work the fresh lubrication into the crevices to get the needle zig zagging again.
Continue reading “Happy National Hangover Day!”Halfway there.
I’m officially middle-aged. Let the cloud yelling commence!
But, no, I am more likely to sit on a park bench with my lightly creased middle-aged friends drinking peyote juice, giggling all the way to death’s doorstep.
Let me get a few grievances out of the way:
-My birthday was yesterday. Not enough people congratulated me on my life being half over. If this was you, please hang your head in shame.
-November is easily the worst month of the year. Cold, rainy, and mostly dark. If it was you who invented November, go fuck yourself.
-BSOs. $300 isn’t pocket change, but it can not reasonably be used to purchase a bicycle. BSO = Bicycle Shaped Object. Don’t have bicycle money? Buy a skateboard: they’re safer and more reliable than BSOs.
-$9 for one pound of strawberries at Fairway Market? It’s still a better deal than BSOs, but I guess bananas are the only fruit I’ll eat for the foreseeable future. 79 cents a pound, bitch.
-It takes almost two hours to get to White Rock from the Tsawwassen ferry terminal by bus. 35km! Probably faster to get there by skateboard.
Continue reading “Halfway there.”
squaremeat.com 