Category: ruminations

The Mystery of my Koumpounophobia.

~ Lkvy ~ Leave a comment

“The credit offered is the support available through this program and doesn’t include covered shipping. If you’d prefer not to use it, no problem at all. There’s no obligation to accept.“

It began with my decision to participate in a Zwift group ride outside of the RIOT squad. It was a 75km ride, which would typically take me about 2 and a half hours to complete, thus boring myself to tears. Maybe a group ride would make it more interesting, I pondered. You can send short messages during these rides until your phone’s touchscreen gives up on registering your sweaty fingertips.

I joined the ride just as the ride leader announced that there would be prizes for the male and female with the most sprint points.

Things briefly became more interesting until I realized that out of the group of about 80 participants, there were only three other women. None of them attempted to get out of their saddles to challenge me during the sprints. The prize was undoubtedly mine early into the ride. I had no idea what it was; for all I knew, it could be a virtual badge. Zwift likes to give out those.

I submitted my email address to the ride leader to claim my prize, and three days later, a rep from The Feed got in touch, offering to add credit to my account, which did not exist. So, he explained how I need to create an account to claim my prize.

Hmm.

As hinted by this post’s opener, I straight-up asked the rep if it was a true prize or if I was still expected to pay for shipping. In case it was the latter, I asked if they had a promo code I could offer to someone else. That was when they responded, “There’s no obligation to accept.”

Oh, for the love of Amway…

Continue reading “The Mystery of my Koumpounophobia.” →

Micro stabs to the heart.

~ Lkvy ~ Leave a comment

I have a new embroidery project underway. This involves hours of pushing and pulling a needle through fabric. It is meditative, and it has the added bonus of creating something tangible. Beautiful, even.

The three maxims currently guiding me, in all my granola-ness, are:

“Don’t take anything personally.” (aka the second of The Four Agreements.)

“You gotta do what makes you happy.” Quote by Leif from Animal Crossing, although I am sure he stole that quote from someone else. That shady fucker. (Just kidding, he’s cute and I love him.)

“Anything is a better use of your time than doomscrolling.”

Continue reading “Micro stabs to the heart.” →

There’s even an emoji for that: 💯

~ Lkvy ~ 1 Comment

Prompted by my unemployment: I may begin operating on vampire time when gathering groceries from Jim Pattison’s Pantry. It’s not that I’m intimidated by my celery stalker: I find her insufferable to such an extent that I’m willing to go out in weather like this under the cover of night to avoid interacting with her:

I HAVE A PASSION FOR AVOIDING PEOPLE.

Continue reading “There’s even an emoji for that: 💯” →

The door hasn’t closed.

~ Lkvy ~ 2 Comments

Effective today, I am an unemployed bum without a bum.

Two weeks ago, the boss sent an email to all mechanics asking if any of us were interested in a seasonal layoff. The selling point was that we’d be eligible for employment insurance. Around this time of the year last year, I was working ~20 hours a week. I often came into the shop to do something other than fix bikes, such as organizing the nuts and bolts in the tiny drawers: it was bleak. Why have a repeat of that?

Before booking it from the shop, I made the boss pinky swear to rehire me in four months. He had a splinter on one pinky finger, but the other one still had loyalty coursing through it. Our right pinkies intertwined, manifesting an unbreakable contract.

I have a long list of arts and crafts projects I want to do. This sabbatical should give me the time to build a toddler, ie. learn how to crochet, finish sewing my first pair of pants before it’s shorts weather again, and tone up my glutes.

I spent almost the entire summer wearing shorts with an elastic waistband, thus postponing the realization that I’d lost weight. This has bumped up my power-to-weight ratio and also robbed me of whatever butt I had.

There’s very little meat on these bones.

Continue reading “The door hasn’t closed.” →

Chasing that happy medium.

~ Lkvy ~ Leave a comment

In a conversation with a friend about “the good old days”, I recalled the dopamine hit I’d experience when my second grade teacher hot glued a strip of satin cord diagonally to a sheet of paper to denote I’d hit my reading goal for the month. Complete all ten months, and I’d have all the colours in the rainbow (plus two?). To little Laura, this was the equivalent of getting paid to do something I already loved to do.

Now we’re mostly chasing something intangible: a digital symbol, whether it comes in the form of a star, heart, thumbs up, or an up arrow. We wait for these digital symbols to be transmitted via our little $800 rectangle screen.

My latest ride, uploaded to Strava, titled “Gathering of Juggalos” (alternative title: Burger’s Wienerfest), has received six Kudos so far. That’s six thumbs up: that’s four more thumbs up than I’m able to give myself. My incentive for this ride, though, was to be surrounded by the flesh versions of those kudos-givers. I activated Gracious Guest mode and toted a few cans of Bubly, chips, and popcorn (because Alexa isn’t a “chip guy” guy) to Burger’s trailer, just off the Lochside Trail. Burger was BBQing tubular meat and soy for those who spent their day for Truth and Reconciliation on their bikes. I rolled into the lot wearing a red nose, which was given to me by the roomie’s lady, who often keeps one on hand.

HELLO FELLOW JUGGALOS.

⭐❤️👍⬆️

Continue reading “Chasing that happy medium.” →