20+ years ago, the internet gave birth to the “Jeff Goldblum is watching you poop” meme. This was the inspiration behind this week’s fridge statement, which evolves as the roomie or I swap out a word or two as we putter around in the kitchen.
“Jeff Bridges is helping you poop.”
111 pages deep into 1Q84, and Murakami describes a woman’s pubic hair for the second time.
“Pubic hair like a poorly tended soccer field.”
Then, another 71 pages later, Murakami can’t hold in the urge to shoehorn in another uncomfortable simile about pubes.
“Her pubic hair grew like a patch of grass that had been trampled by a passing army.”
I’m currently on page 275, anxiously awaiting to see how much more abstract Murakami can get in his descriptions of women’s pubic hair. Between those 93 pube-free pages, there have been swells of chests and tight sweaters. Nothing as bad as Simmons’ “Her nipples, he could not help noticing…” line.
Continue reading “The Fort Collins Pube Fair.”
Six weeks into my sabbatical, the Question of the Day remains unchanged.
What do I want to do today?
First, I’ll have some toast. While seemingly everybody I know needs an hour or two before eating anything, I wake up excited to eat toast. I have access to oatmeal (instant and delayed), apples, yogurt, eggs, and a whole bunch of other unconventional breakfast foods, yet every morning, I feel in my heart — and stomach — that I want toast. Options concerning breakfast do not overwhelm me.
Toast moves me.
As soon as those two pieces of toast are inside of me, the day unleashes its torrent of options.
The tournament is over. Which Cup determined the winner? Mushroom Cup? Shell Cup? Flower Cup?
In the race to get all the party decorations and snacks ready, I won. I was left with enough time to add extras to my already-extra party arrangements, such as crafting a dry-erase arrow spinner for course selection between facing off players.
A few minutes before the first guests showed up, I slipped a non-carcinogenic sheet of stickers next to the disposable cups, giving guests an opportunity to express themselves.
Continue reading “How to Win Friends (food and video games) and Influence People (drugs and alcohol).”Including the question, “How old are you?”
Yes, today is my birthday! Another year older, another year… here. Life has been good lately: I’m thrilled about starting a new lap around the sun.
Continue reading “42: The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything.”
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