Greatest Hits.

My first blog post was published on May 13, 2000. It all started with:

“MO FO!”

I don’t write like this anymore. For the first year, I couldn’t type the word “you” in its entirety, which never made sense because I’ve always been an exceptionally fast typist. It was not a time-saving strategy. I was being a Millennial back when Millennials were the young generation.

I posted 12 more times that month, some posts were a single, short paragraph. I kept it short and sweet, sometimes too literally, such as when I scanned Lucky Charms marshmallows.

Lucky Charm marshamellows lined up in a row, starting with the heart, shooting star, balloon, moon, horseshoe, hat, pot of gold, and rainbow.
This is what Lucky Charms looked like 20 years ago.

Riveting. Truly riveting.

2001, I was still going strong. I was consistent through the years up until June 12, 2008: from age 16 to age 24. There was nothing in my last post that indicated that I was about to give up. I was still following other bloggers on LiveJournal via my Friends feed.

As my primary email address is the first email account I’d ever signed up for (1998), it was easy for me to recover my LiveJournal password. Somehow, I had forgotten that I ended up posting in LiveJournal after my domain, lkvy.com, expired.

I posted on LiveJournal from September 2010 until April 2013. Of course, I came out of blogging retirement again, when I started posting on here, in March 2018. That’s 12 years of recording my thoughts. The knowledge that other people would be reading my stuff got me to make an effort in my writing, as well as be consistent about it.

I was happy to learn my blog-free gap was smaller than I had thought. I may upload some more throwback posts (I could schedule them for Thursdays?), but it’s unlikely any of them would be from my earliest posts, which are either vapid or embarrassing. Today, I’m going to share some snippets.

(I am sorry some of these photos are tiny: it wasn’t unusual for people to use an 800×600 screen resolution in the early 2000s.)

Side by side comparison of Laura from 2000 and 2006. 2000 Laura has long, blonde hair and a mildly bitchy facial expression. 2006 Laura has red hair in a ponytail, heavy eyeliner. She is baring her teeth while raising one eyebrow.In 2006, I did a 6-year challenge for no reason other than it happened to be my 6th anniversary of blogging.

As you can see, I do not have a resting bitch face. I have an active bitch face. My facial muscles have been trained over the years to exude maximum bitchiness.

 

Gmail's old chat window. The first username is jesuscola, with a small avatar featuring Mr. Miyagi. jesuscola says, "on a side note before I depart, I don't know if you have the display pictures enabled or not, but I do, and it looks like Mr. Myagi is talking to an Upperclass Twit." Squaremeat (me) responded, "hahahaha. That's awesome. No, I don't see it. Ok, now I do. hahaha. That's funny."I would sometimes share a screen snip of conversations I’d have on MSN, or GTalk (maybe even ICQ too). This one is from 2006.

Yes, I’ve been squaremeat for a long time.

“hahaha that’s funny.”

I’ve never been much of a LOLer.

 

 

A low quality photo of me from circa 2006. My hair is red, and I'm dressed in black. In my hands are red strands of something (they were pipe cleaners, but the quality of the photo is so poor that even those with 20/20 vision wouldn't be able to tell).

Remember how bad phone camera photos used to be?
Here, I am holding a bunch of red pipe cleaners as I prepare to trespass.
I’ve yet to find the blog post this photo belongs to, so I have no idea what the pipe cleaners purpose was.

Now for some mostly out-of-context quotes:

“The Wrath of Anal falls heavy on those that ignore the guestbook. “ (January 28, 2001)

“Uh, I had no idea until this morning but today was the milk run. We have this run every year, I don’t know how it started or why, mebbe to get kids to drink more milk and exercise. But, what happens is that classes are shorter, and just before lunch, everybody goes outside to run/walk/rollerblade/whatever the hell around the area and come back and get free milk. I know it sounds weird. It’s mandatory, every year the staff chains up the student’s parking lot so they can’t really skip the milk run.” (April 25, 2001)

“I am not deaf, but I have syphilis.” (July 19, 2001)

“I’m an “auto detailer”. Often, when I tell people what I do for work, they picture some sort of glamorous job that involves painting flames on the side of hot rods.
The truth is, I scrub piss out of carpets in station wagons. If not piss, then puke. If not puke, then shit, dog hair, snot, food, mud, assorted soft drinks, and possibly jism.” (July 7, 2004)

“I also got paid to carve a phallus out of the end of a broomstick handle using a box cutter. This task took a long time to finish as it involved sanding, varnishing, and putting up with the boss’ pervertedness.” (May 24, 2006)

“I had filled an empty prescription bottle with lotion, thinking it would be more convenient. The problem though, is that I had a couple of prescription bottles scattered around my bedroom, and I grabbed the wrong one. So, my face is tight and dry, but I do have a handful of T3’s here.” (September 20, 2007)

“Facebook like you’ve never Facebooked before.” (December 19, 2010)

“I question chicken’s popularity among zoophilias. They’re probably the least sensual creature one could illegally fuck.” (April 1, 2012)

Truthfully, there was no context for many of those quotes.

A post I made on December 9th, 2010, foreshadowed my eventual move to Montréal.

“I’m taking off for a mini vacation on the 30th. I’m flying to the chilly French-speaking east. I’ll land in Quebec City, and depart from Montréal on the 9th of next year. I haven’t built my itinerary beyond that, but a big part of me hopes I’ll find an excuse to just stay there.”

Less than five years later, I moved to Montréal!

I’d never have thought about the milk run again if it weren’t for my blog. Not that the milk run was monumental, but the thought that my school took it seriously to the point that the teachers chained up the student parking lot so that nobody could drive to store for their milk, is silly. Ah, the good ol’ 2000s, when teachers presided over students’ dairy intake.

There were long stretches of negative posts from 2001-2004, but within all that, I was pleased to read most of the goals I had set for myself had been accomplished.

Lesson learned: no more gaps. I’m going to be blogging forever so that I can remember joys similar to running for my milk.

On a final note, there are two ways to know when I have a new post is up: aggressively refresh this page daily (or assume there’ll be something new twice a week, which is my current standard), or sign up with your email address:

A photo of a computer screen showing the sign up form for my blog.

7 thoughts on “Greatest Hits.

  1. I got you beat – I’ve been faithfully writing in journals since grade four so that’s… 1991! But maybe you’re only thinking about blogging. If so – I think you have me beat by one year. I’ll have to do some investigating. Also, what year did we become internet pals?!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have been writing on Tumblr and Xanga since before I was 14. A lot of my posts were set to private though. I had a series that I grabbed little quotes/snippets from my writing & compiled them how you did when I first started this blog! You have inspired me to possibly bring them back in the near future.

    I agree that I never want to quit documenting my life/blogging– with no more gaps, too. It is too cool to be able to go back, look at old pics (even the super bad quality ones) & remember all the little details in life we could easily forget.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! I would love to read your Throwback posts!

      I’ll have to find your first post on here to catch those snippets. I hope the stuff you wrote as a teen are as embarrassing as mine! 😏

      Liked by 1 person

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