I’m an approachable snob.

My 2nd week back at work is done with. It’s gotten easier being on my feet all day, but as apparent from my last two posts, returning to the public eye has been agonizing. After a year of getting away with being a plainclothes employee, I’ve been ordered to wear the work-issued tee. I don’t have any complaints about the tee itself: it’s tasteful, but I do not like that it makes me more approachable. I haven’t been this unapproachable, mentally, in years. Yann is the only person who I can comfortably make eye contact with right now.

Yet, I also suggested that Yann use his sewing machine to make alterations to the t-shirt, making it smaller every week so that it’ll look like all the training I’ve been doing at home has paid off.

Do I want attention or not?

Imagine customers coming into the bike shop and seeing us in “work-issued” crop tops? But I jest. I still dream of getting a tinted full-face shield.

I could also use a pair of shin protectors. I just bonked my shin on the bed so hard that I had to exit the bedroom, make a detour to the kitchen to grab the ice pack out of the freezer, and then collapse on the couch. My leg throbbed for so long that I started getting concerned that I broke it. Then I’d have to go to the hospital and interact with more people.

“What happened?”

“I was trying to help Yann put the fitted sheet over the mattress.”

I’m not broken, just wounded.

Also, I’m not pregnant, but I accidentally learned that you can make your own pregnancy test using bleach and, well, your urine. Or other people’s urine, assuming you can get it.

YouTube can teach you some amazing (and completely false) stuff.

Prepare to be amazed by how someone who could barely change a flat got hired in a bike shop. I also explain how twisting a few nipples can give your bike a smoother ride!

And I tell the truth as I know it!

I don’t think a 2-in-1 video was a good idea, so I won’t be doing it again. The rest of YouTube can carry on with this trend (and pee in bleach to see whether a baby is brewing?). It’s not for me.

Though, I enjoyed editing it and will need to restraint myself from doing experimental David Lynch-style editing for the next video.

Better yet, I could apply the Crystal Methyd next:

A gif of a heavily made up person dressed up as a blue bird regurgitates into the mouth of a human dressed up as a yellow bird.

 

2 thoughts on “I’m an approachable snob.

    1. *struts*

      If you drop your bike off for a tune up on a regular basis, you’re probably fine. At the very least you know what look for when inspecting your bike!

      Like

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