I don’t think I can claim to be anti-social media now that I’m a Redditor. I love my friends, but most of them don’t have hours to talk nonsense at any time of the day, so I get my fix on Reddit. R/AskReddit is a fountain of thought-provoking but mostly pointless questions that get answered by oversharing enthusiasts such as yours truly. Many of these questions inspire a trip down memory lane:
“What’s the weirdest compliment you’ve ever gotten?”
That is a tricky one because I am a woman on the internet, and there are thousands of photos of me online. My Flickr account turns 16 this year, and I’ve been objectified for some oddly specific reasons. Sometimes I’ll go through my Flickr archives and wonder why the permissions for some of the photos have been set to Private until I read the comments. Rather than sending my brain down the darkest lane of my annals, I reflected on real-world instances.
When I worked at Value Village (thrift store) many moons ago, my job consisted of digging through dusty, old stuff. Naturally, there was a lot of sneezing going on. A co-worker I was starting to be friends with told me that I had the cutest sneeze. From that point on, whenever I’d sneeze, she’d giggle and go, “Aww!”
And you know, COVID has taken this away from me because there’s no way I could charm someone with my baby mouse sneezes ever again.
That was also the year I learned that hearing people add sound FX to their sneezes. This friend also confessed that she was afraid of pink dolphins because they “look like people”. She was cute and I miss her.
But I still have cute friends. I call this one Tammy:
Wait, what’s she doing?
Julian! He’s not deaf-friendly as he has a voice box that says something like, “I am Little Bear. Do you want to be friends? *giggle*” when squeezed, which is why I left him in Tammy’s care when I moved off the island years ago. (Here’s a photo of us together from my original Victoria days.) He is fun to look at, though.
And fling in the air:
I suggested removing his voice box and stuffing him with a first aid kit so that if Tammy were to get lost in the woods, she’d have something to cuddle. What other first aid kit has that feature?
I’m positive Tammy had an actual first aid kit in her backpack, which was bursting at the seams with essentials and questionable items. She bought bear spray, bear bells, a whistle, trekking poles, a DSLR with various accessories, BBQ tongs (probably), and heaps of warm clothes because the weather forecast promised clouds in Port Renfrew.
Technically, there were clouds:
I brought… lip balm and my phone.
Nah, I’m slightly more responsible than I let on. After finding myself in two situations in which a whistle would’ve been handy, I finally shelled out the $2.50 to buy one. Additionally, I brought a few other essentials, such as water and snacks, but nothing to mist in a bear’s face. At the bare minimum, anytime I hike, I bring extra clothes as my body can’t seem to generate its own heat when idle.
Thanks to the ill-forecast weather, I got so warm partway through our beach stroll that I had to stop and remove my long johns.
Me de-pantsing at the beach at the beginning of March is proof climate change is real.
Halfway through de-pantsing, I noticed that a bee had landed on Julian’s stinger. With both my long johns and hiking pants still around one ankle, I sat on driftwood and captured this Hallmark moment.
I eventually got my pants back on. It’s so close to being warm enough to ditch the pants for the next few months. In the meantime, I’m going to continue to exercise some semblance of modesty.
“Look, you can post this to your OnlyFans!” Tammy proposed.
I don’t have Only Fans. I’d do things for any fan, including allowing Tammy to take an in-focus photo of my butt:
If Tits and Boobies are more your bag, Tammy has an Insta dedicated to that and tiny flowers.
I still haven’t returned to Insta, but if I still had my account, this is the sort of thing I’d post:
Actually, I’d run it through the filters a few times until it looks awesome:
As Tammy said, “Why the dog? And it’s a medic… for drywall?”
I have the urge to email the company and offer a more appropriate mascot:
So, what’s the weirdest compliment you’ve ever gotten?