I like to watch tv.

The last post was a missed opportunity for the ultimate 90s reference. So, I’ll make it now:

Yep, Jessie, caffeine withdrawal’s a bitch.

Maybe not ultimate? Honestly, there were so many iconic lines from the 90s. A decade worth of them, in fact. I wasn’t surprised when Zack (not Morris!) admitted to watching Saved by the Bell as a teen. After all, it was the quintessential teen show of the 90s. I played the “I’m so excited, I’m so scared…” clip on the work computer (good use of company time, I know) and Québec-bred Yann, who was using the workbench behind the computer, had the gall to ask, “What’s that?”

He was probably too busy watching Babar.

The day I run out of 90s references, I’m officially senile… and possibly still twitching. The twitching deltoid issue has subsided. I’m doubtful my brave decision to switch to decaf green tea had anything to do with it.

My favorite onscreen personalities this week have been the zany Dominic Skinner and Val freakin’ Garland! I finished Season 3 of Glow Up last night. I enjoyed the makeup artistry: both the spectacular creations and the botch jobs. However, I most look forward to when Val asks Dominic, “Shall we have a conflab (sic)?”

Or when she says shit like this:

If you’re lucky, she’ll give you a double ding dong!

Glow Up: 9/10 would recommend to those who enjoy (talent-based) competition shows. Don’t feel like sitting through eight 60-minute episodes? Drag queens Trixie and Katya have summed up the best bits from each season (1, 2, 3).

Because there’s a new episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars 6 tonight, I’m going to end this post by recycling something I wrote some years ago in which I reveal that I also enjoy Antiques Roadshow.

Feb 1, 2011: Reality TV at its finest.

Why is the Antiques Roadshow not more popular? Do you think I watch that show because I’m interested in cameo brooches and Victorian tea sets?

I watch it for the people who are interested in that junk. But, it’s not junk if it’s old! Really old!

Last night there was a lady who was telling the appraiser about dumpster diving while she stood in front of a ratty rug, which somehow turned out to be worth $150,000. The woman got so excited to the point she was jumping up and down, shouting about how she was now able to send her kids to college.

I guess with that kind of money college would accept her progeny.

(Is this a common American thing? Paying for your kid’s college education?)

But, most people on that show are even stranger, especially the appraisers. Bow ties seem to be mandatory for the gentlemen, while the women wear heavy earrings and cannot speak without raising their eyebrows. I guess that’s one secret to make it seem like whatever you are saying is important.

On the Antiques Roadshow, you get to watch the anxiety in the face of the man in the Cadillac print shirt as he waits for the appraiser to finish rambling. And you find yourself on the edge of your seat too, wanting the lamp expert to shut up and get to the point: is this junk, in fact, junk? Or do his kids get to go to college?

Now, you’re thinking, “Wait, lamp expert?”

Exactly.

There are people who are dedicated to studying lamps. Guns that no longer kill. Paintings by obscure American artists nobody else has heard of but them. And rugs! Oriental rugs not drugs!

Then there are people who depend on those people’s help.

To me, it’s far more entertaining than watching big losers shrink, people competing for the chance to marry the same person, or jeopardize the wheel of fortune over a family feud.

“It’s a fake! It’s a big ol’ fake!!!” (Actual quote from a scene that rolled during the closing credits.)

Yay, PBS!

5 thoughts on “I like to watch tv.

  1. Who knew makeup could have such artistic merits. I was bummed when Sophie ended up in the face-off so close to the end as I was rooting for her from the get go. She was, in my strongly opinionated mind, a cut above from the beginning.
    When naming our last ride I couldn’t decide on ding dong or bish bosh. I wanted the ding dong but I knew the unfinished business on wulfred meant it wasn’t meant to be. However, the effort was totally bish bosh. That sketchy corner decent in the middle is pure evil as not only does it kill your speed it forces you to relax your muscles which lets the lactic acid rush in before you start the final push to the top. It felt like I was crying battery acid but that was probably just the sweat in my eyes.

    Like

    1. Agreed on Sophie! I also thought Jack was a strong contender, and that Craig’s first look was unforgivable! Even though you’ve seen the show, you NEED to watch Trixie and Katya’s recaps.

      We’ll have rides worthy of a Ding Dong! Double Ding Dong! And BoomShakaLaka! We’ll dazzle harder than even Dominic Skinner’s sweatshirt collection!

      Like

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