There’s a tiny door in my office, Maxine.

I don’t mean to be so judgmental, but:

I see my new neighbourhood isn’t so different from my last. Christmas decorations hung around until March in Quadra Village, too. I’m now less surprised by how three Christmas stores stayed afloat in downtown Victoria for years and surprised by how none are still around.

Is Etsy to blame? I was looking for a quaint incense holder on Etsy and found this:

I found it, and rejected it.

Although, it kind of goes with the primary school architecture project that is my building. There’s a Simpsons episode where the neighbourhood bands together to rebuild the Flanders house: it’s very that.

I took the attic bedroom, which originally came with a skylight, but since then has been boarded up and sandwiched with insulation form. The bathroom fan is inexplicably in the bedroom, ready to suck the moisture out of me as I sleep.

What’s this… a breakfast nook for ants?!

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

It’s sort of a part of my bedroom, too. I get my own washroom, which is cool even if I do have to see this cousin fuckery every day:

Half the window is in front of a wall. So, my bedroom is windowless, and I only get half a window in the washroom. Okay.

There are definite upsides: the place is much bigger than my last, and the rent cheaper. The person I have to share the place with has been delightful.

There’s a crawl space we’ve dubbed The John Malkovich Portal.

I’d asked the roommate if he had an equipment to play DVDs and he was able to produce a DVD player from the John Malkovich Portal. Magic. And one of the DVDs I own is Being John Malkovich.

I hung the portrait of John Malkovich this morning, and it probably will stay there forever.

Maybe the place is a bit shabby, but it is also quaint. Like that Etsy toad incense holder.

5 thoughts on “There’s a tiny door in my office, Maxine.

  1. I enjoy that my cousin fucking has been passed along into your daily lingo. You’re a better person having known me….it brings me great joy to see you are re-inhabiting our old hood, keep that shit weird and go get a bag of doll heads, will ya?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Now that I’m back in our old ‘hood, it makes sense to start talking as if I belong here. Dork vomit. Poo nugg. Grim. Mashing pissers.

    No calling anyone “Fattycakes” though!


    1. I legit said poo nug the other day and I have 0 ragrats…wait. I think it was directed to or about you.
      Grim is a usual, mashing pissers STILL makes me cringe and I use it regardless, dorkvomit gives me a hell of a visual.
      Mike is the one who coined (and still uses) Fattycakes, but only with one particular individual who neither of us have much contact with, thankfully


  3. Sounds like fun times in a quaint hood and bizarre house — loved me some Malky in BJM and recently Space Force – and some weird Canadian words and shit.

    Don’t know about the copulating cousins, but I have heard tell of an uncle, who, and I quote, should “shut your fucking face, uncle fucker.”

    Not a huge fan of Southpark – grew up mch closer culturally and geographically to South Fork Ranch – but that old SP movie was good times.

    Enjoy your new space. Party on, y’all!


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