TUMS spelled backwards is SMUT.

The title is unrelated to this post.

As it turns out, the acquisition of a boyfriend–especially one that lives next door–has been a great distraction to my blog.

Look at how cute even the back of his head is:

For the once-a-year occurrence that is my womb-leaving anniversary, he drove us into the darkness that is highway #4 to Tofino. The drive was positively a negative experience. The only things visible on the road during that time were reflectors and the headlights of oncoming traffic, most of which stayed on the high beam setting because people are assholes.

I last visited Tofino nine years ago, back when one had to count telephone poles to find the start of the “trail” to the Canso wreckage. Then, pink plastic ribbons tied to branches were your guide to the wreckage and took you through a swamp. I didn’t wear hiking boots, but $20 rubber rain boots.

This was the view I was rewarded with in 2013:

The 2022 experience was less intensive. Far less intensive, in fact. Not only was there a paved path leading to the start of the hike that didn’t require counting telephone poles, but also boardwalks were laid over the entirety of the swamp. On our way there, we passed a lady carrying a small purse. Small dogs that headed out made it back without being swallowed by the swamp.

The most difficult part of this hike was carrying all the excessive clothing we’d packed in anticipation of this being a wet, chilly, muddy hike.

.Here’s what the wreckage looked like as of November 20, 2022:

Yup. It’s seen better days. I don’t mean pre-1945. Are tiny dogs and purse-carrying ladies to blame for the squashed nose? Possibly! But not likely.

All in all, it was totally, completely, wholly worth it. However, I have officially decided that I am not interested in visiting Tofino in the summer when there are 1000x more people, including this guy:

He gave Jordi and me a good laugh on the drive to Tofino and on the way back. I imagine him getting ready for his professional photo shoot and going, “WAIT! Lemme put on my Tilley hat!”

If I didn’t know better, I’d have figured the hat was photoshopped in. But Roger, with his 30+ years of experience, advising misters and misses Moneybags on how to handle their loot, surely would invest in a Tilley hat. That shit is quality.

Jordi would know: he has one.

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