I don’t recall saying good luck…

It seems like every time I crash at Zoée’s, there’s a splendid new addition to their place. The last time it was an antique index card cabinet. Before that, it was an old barn door that Zoée turned into a table. When asked where such gems were procured, their answer was *gag* “Facebook Marketplace!” *hurl*

Don’t give me a reason to get back on FacePlant.

But it’s also thanks to Facebook Marketplace that the roomie and I have a new home lined up for April 1st.

Thank Jebus the roomie FacePlants. He shared a posting for a three-bedroom suite with me as soon as it went up. My response was, “That one looks nice!” He took that as a cue to set up a viewing which happened within four days.

We’d both seen enough postings to recognize a deal and put in our application. The roomie and I knew we had lots of competition.

And how!

This flow diagram was found on Reddit. As soon as I saw it, I shared the link with the roomie and asked, “This is our new place, isn’t it?”

The comments under the post revealed some information about our to-be landlord. It seems not only have we successfully pounced on an affordable place, but the person to whom we’ll be paying rent appears to be one of those exceptional ethical landlords. They’re doing what I’d do if I ever find myself in the same position.

The landlord bought the house years ago on a fixed mortgage and rented out the additional suites at a reasonable rate. Rather than jacking up the rent to match the market rate, the landlord has chosen to keep rent about the same (or so I assume), instead prioritizing finding tenants who would be a good fit. THAT’S ME AND THE ROOMIE!

My previous landlords charged me below market rate, but they also bought the house over 30 years ago; I was paying less for a larger space when I left Victoria in 2008. Beware of those who compare themselves to the worst rather than the best.

In the meantime, a new pest has invaded our current space: a real estate agent. She came by last week with the photographer and gifted the roomie and me a carton of store-bought eggs. The trade-off is that we have to allow viewings from 9am-6pm 7 days a week, with 24-hour advance notice.

The thing is: I was home when she came by with the photographer, and she did not acknowledge me, which was insulting. Also, when she booked the first viewing, she notified the roomie by text. So, I emailed her asking her to review the rules for selling a tenanted property and included this screen snip:

She hit back with a section from the Residential Tenancy Branch website denoting how I’m not considered a tenant as I am not on the lease. She isn’t wrong; however, she erroneously claimed that my subletting was unapproved by the landlord. The landlord knows I exist and that the roomie hasn’t been covering the entirety of the rent on his own. The realtor’s attempt at a “Gotcha!” moment has made me less inclined to give her space to do her job.

I’m also irate about the deceptive listing in which the unit was described as a “great starter home”. Both bathrooms are described as 3pc, yet the shower in my bathroom hasn’t been functional since before my tenancy occupancy. The kitchen is advertised as coming with a dishwasher, yet it was a previous tenant who installed it. Not that the roomie and I plan on taking it. I mean…

The unit has been listed at a delusional $700,000. Anyone who walks through this place will quickly realize how much work the unit requires; therefore, many of these viewings will be a waste of time for the potential buyer and disruptive for the roomie and me.

As the light switch by my bedroom door disconnects when I use the one above my headboard, I shall ensure that every time she shows my room, she’ll have to walk across the windowless room to flip the light on. Should she have questions about that–or anything–I’m afraid I can’t help as I’m an “illegal sublet”.

I may dare to reach the pinnacle of pettiness by putting back the framed assholes Danica gifted me on the bathroom wall. In truth, I hope March won’t be more nightmarish than it needs to be.