Worked-up over a workout.

Nearly every time I turn on my Garmin, I get wind and gale warnings. It’s either a glitch or reflective of how windy Victoria is. When the warning flashed on my screen for the umpteenth time, it was for real. This morning’s commute was a blustery one, and when I returned home, I got on my road bike for a lap around one of the fake islands of Watopia.

I’ve been slacking on my training plan. I’ve been too occupied ghostbusting with a vacuum cleaner in Luigi’s Mansion 3, shopping for an actual vacuum cleaner, shopping for a calendar, cutting fabric into tiny squares, and other things I might mention later. I wasn’t feeling it this evening, but as one of the prompts in tonight’s workout said:

I chose this workout based on its length (40 minutes) and difficulty (Easy). Thirty seconds into the workout I realized I’d chosen one of the workouts from Zwift’s Baby on Board training plan.

“This workout is designed for the first 20 weeks of your pregnancy.”

“You shouldn’t be anywhere near max heart rate. Don’t be afraid to reduce the difficulty!”

This was also a workout I’d made fun of Zack for doing in the past. Now I was getting prompts not to let my core body temperature get too high lest I cook my baby! I smirked at the thought of Zack seeing these prompts and messaged him while I was spinning.

“The number of times they’ve suggested I try flipping my stem to make room for my bump…”

I did not get such prompt. Zwift just doesn’t give a fuck about my baby!

I have purchased this year’s calendar and am halfway through adding everyone’s birthdays. You know whose birthday isn’t going on there? The baby Zwift thinks I’m gonna have.

This year’s theme is the moon, inspired by Moon Moon, the power moons of Super Mario Odyssey, and Jordi, who rejected the shark calendar I initially picked up. Jordi didn’t like August’s (his birth month) shark model.

Last year’s calendar turned out to be a dud. Jordi noticed the blurb on the back:

A YEAR’S WORTH OF ENCHANTING ENTERTAINMET?

At the bottom right corner, I found the email address for the Canadian stores’ contact, a Mr. Andrew Shapiro. I have sent the following email:

Hey Andrew,

I was promised a year’s worth of enchanting entertainment. Now that 2023 is over, I can honestly say I was neither enchanted nor entertained. In fact, I found this calendar to be weirdly Anglocentric.

Could you please put me in touch with the person responsible for making this overblown claim?

Thank you,

Laura

I am not counting on receiving a response, but if I do, it might compensate for the lack of entertainment. And enchantment.

This 2024 moon calendar better serve me well: I didn’t even get it at 50% off. The cashier at Russels Bookstore was like, “Oh, it’s two calendars for the price of one.”

“Nah, I’m good.”

Ideally, she’ll tell the store manager how one customer was less than jazzed about this year’s BOGO deal. If it’s taken me three days to fill in people’s birthdays up until August, you know a second calendar would be too much trouble for me.

Now onto the tiny-squares-of-fabric portion of this post: I had the first of four quilting classes on Monday. I rode my fender-less bike through a ridiculous downpour, counting on my cheap-ish rain pants to keep my butt dry and, my upper half, my premium Arc’teryx jacket. The jacket performed so well that I dumped about two cups of water that collected in the hood before I entered the workshop. My butt was moist the entire class. Luckily, I had the foresight to pack my slippers and an extra pack of socks. None of the other students rode through the rain like a lunatic, and they all probably envied my footwear choice for the class. After all, my slippers are… QUILTED.

The instructor got everyone to introduce themselves. “I’m Laura, and I’m uncontrollably awesome!” Actually, I just stated my name and sewing experience. Everyone else followed suit. Four of the five other students confessed that their last sewing machine experience was in the eighth grade. For at least three of them, the eighth grade was much longer ago than it was for me. It’s not a class of young ‘uns.

We did not touch a sewing machine that night. So far, I’ve found that sewing as a hobby doesn’t involve all that much sewing. Preparation takes up the bulk of the time. While I may be slow-moving when it comes to transferring people’s birthdays over to a fresh calendar, I’m not shy about setting myself up for a lot of work when it comes to creative pursuits. (My gingerbread replica of St. Basil’s Cathedral was made of over 130 pieces.) The other students spent most of Monday night trimming their fabric into four or five-inch squares.

I spent most of Monday night cutting my fabric into two-inch squares. And probably Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Hopefully, I get my new vacuum cleaner soon: I’m going to have a lot of lint to suck up.