Orange-eating class.

I have a mental block when it comes to spending money on things that would improve my living space. I stored my sewing and crafting supplies in shoeboxes and reusable bags for two years. The boxes and bags were then placed on a side table and shoved in the corner of the laundry room.

There’s an semblance of organization with an air of clutter. For two years, this was good enough.

I am currently in my bed typing this blog post on a laptop, which rests upon a children’s book rather than a cushioned laptop tray. The protective sleeve for my e-reader is a 10-year-old bubble mailer. The living room couch was a curbside freebie… ten years ago. It took me a year to get a nightstand for my current place, and it was a Christmas gift from Jordi.

My poverty mentality gives me time to save up to afford a (ideally) massive upgrade. If I’m to spend my money on something I don’t need, it needs to be more than “good enough”. I browsed Maison Simons, EQ3 Furniture, Crate & Barrel, and Rove Concepts, among other home furniture dealers that don’t make sense for someone with my income level.

In the end, Ikea won. I can’t bring myself to shell out $2,000+ for a cherrywood wardrobe. Particleboard, it is…

Nevertheless, it’s a major upgrade. The colour of the doors even match the Marge embroidery!

I added a vase to my Ikea order in preparation for my upcoming flower-growing hobby. The house’s new tenants have relinquished their garden patch. Come July, our vegetable garden will be bookended by strawberry plants and flowers.

Hopefully LOTS of flowers because the vase I received is massive.

It looks like an infected prune. Who was the designer? Delia Deetz?

But it looks great with flowers in it. I feel like a rich bitch.

My mouth, unfortunately, makes me look like a hillbilly despite having had $40,000+ of work over my lifetime (no exaggeration!). It’s been so long since I’ve felt attractive. As I work as a bike mechanic and only go out to do things like cycling or gardening, my makeup wearing days are mostly over.

I used to wear rings and necklaces. My wardrobe wasn’t mostly free t-shirts from bike brands. I’ve withered with age and apathy.

Still, I rarely leave the house without undereye concealer, and I was almost all out. Frustratingly, MAC Cosmetics discontinued the concealer I’d used for the past 15 years. So, I went online and chose the current equivalent. I used their shade picker tool which guided me to the same shade their old formula was labelled as.

Not even close!

I tried putting it on my face anyway and result conjured this gif:

They should call it shade #47 after a certain dictator. Do I dare make this joke in my email to MAC customer service? I dared only to write, “Is there anything I can do short of getting a tan so that my new foundation matches my skin?”

Their response made my face turn red.

“Please note while the shade is the same, the formula and products will be different.”

OH? Silly me.

I countered, “Did you not see the picture I attached?!”

Following a question mark with an exclamation point is as cunty as I’m willing to be towards a customer service representative. I had their job for six years and remember being less inclined to help snippy customers.

They responded, admitting they hadn’t seen the photo which had disappeared somewhere along their email ticketing pipeline.

This was their response after I re-sent the photo:

“The shade names are the same, but they are different products and formulas, therefore, they will not be the same. We are happy to honour the exchange or return as long as it complies with our return/exchange policies.

Have a great day and thank you for choosing M· A· C Cosmetics!”

I wondered if a cosmetics company was gaslighting me. Their closing line, in particular, raised my blood pressure. Here’s what I said that finally made them refund my $46.

“If you’re still insisting that the shades are the same, after seeing that picture, why would I choose MAC Cosmetics again?“

Until I find the right match, I’ll look like a haggard hillbilly for the next while. Had this person refused to compensate me for that orange paste, I’d have written a fresh email and hope it ends up with a different person. So, that’s my hot tip as a former Customer Service Representative: start anew. Not all Customer Service Representatives will have the same resolution.