Last week, I received a mass email from the owner of the bike shop with the subject line “Freakishly Awesome Opportunity.” This FAO was described as “an outdoor experience involving all muscle groups and little neurological activity,” and was set to take place in Shawnigan Lake, a village 50km north of Victoria, on Sunday the 12th. At that time, I was deep into Agatha Christie’s “And Then There Were None,” which tells the tale of ten strangers–lured by an invitation from a mysterious person–who find themselves marooned on a distant island where they are bumped off one by one.
What peculiar timing! If I had a moustache, I’d have been twirling it. I’ve since finished the book, whose ending was spoiled by its title. After finishing the story, I arrived at the “About the Author” section, in which it is claimed that Agatha Christie is the most widely published author of all time and in any language, outsold only by the Bible and Shakespeare.
I’d be much more pleased to find an Agatha Christie novel in the bedside drawer at the next hotel I stay at than the Bible. Needless to say, I did not end up taking the bait to Shawnigan Lake last Sunday. (The cryptic email, as explained by a colleague today, was to help build a dock at the owner’s vacation home.)
I reserved my distress for Tuesday morning:
What landed me with a stress score of 100 was a trip to the dentist’s office. Apart from putting the back of my hand to a fevered brow and weeping as the dentist’s chair tilted back, the appointment was pleasantly uneventful. Within 30 minutes, my two crowns were successfully removed and reinstalled without any complications.
Removing the crowns involved the dentist drilling a column of holes through each “tooth” to access the screw attaching it to the implant. Even without lidocaine, I did not feel any pain when the screws were undone. The biggest discomfort came from the hard edges of the intraoral scanner as it ran over my teeth and gums. While scanning my mouth, the dentist nudged me to look at the screen. He remarked that he thought it was cool how the gums had healed nicely around the crowns. Surely, the screen displayed the titanium implants nestled within two deep pits of smooth, healthy-looking pink gums. I considered taking a picture of the beauty that was my oral topography post-scan, but once the crowns were back in place, the wave of relief I felt erased that plan.
Rather than head to work after my appointment, I rode home and spent the day recharging my “Body Battery”. I’d done a punishing 10km run the previous day, aiming to meet the rather extreme target pace of 4:10-minute/km for 35 minutes as set by Garmin Coach Lola, and failing. Although I failed miserably by Lola’s standards, it was the fastest I’d ever run. Consequently, I’ve upset my right hamstrings and thus have taken two days off.
Interestingly, Lola chose to give me a morale boost at the strangest time. While using the toilet at work, my wrist vibrated. When I looked at the screen, an animation showed an explosion of confetti revealing the number 34.
All I did was pee.
What are the chances Garmin will someday produce a toilet that analyzes human waste? My youthful piss must further be celebrated.
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