I had leftover dough from The Cliffs of Insanity. Rather than bake some mediocre cookies to distribute, I got experimental. My inspiration for this project was 2020: masks being symbolic of the year.
Like 2020, it was a failure.
Here’s what was involved in the making of that failure:
I encased my face like a baked potato and laid rolled-out dough over the top. Then I popped the formed dough in the oven and baked at 175° C for 30 minutes. I thought this method would be enough as I’ve successfully made a large oval dome in the past. The mask held up during decoration only to collapse the next day.
But, it did not crush my spirit, and I still had leftover dough in the freezer. Not being on social media has freed up a lot of time for me, possibly too much time. Good times, though.
I took my new, moderately successful face to the beach to dazzle the seagulls and baffle people.
Nobody was impressed. Or, nobody came close enough to realize that I’d made a fully edible mask.
So, I’m not famous yet.
My place is a five-minute walk from the beach, and it’s the next best thing to my cookie face. On my way back home, I passed a man sleeping on a bench. Homeless, most likely. I contemplated leaving the mask on his face to give him privacy and a meal to wake up to. I did not do this, but I clearly thought about it; otherwise, I wouldn’t be talking about it now.
Do you like my shark eyebrows? I made them angry-looking to symbolize the horrors of shark fishing.
Or my beard of shitty chocolates? Lies under colourful shells. So meta. What about the teeth of lemon jellybeans? Sour, like my outlook on life.
I thought the blue sprinkles would highlight my eyes from behind the too-far-apart holes, but they make me look tired. And I am tired of 2020.
I do still have leftover dough in the freezer, so I wouldn’t rule out a third attempt. I also still have heaps of leftover decoration. There’s more candy in my kitchen than there is food! Too bad I don’t think M&Ms are worth putting in my mouth, just on my face.
On the subject of yellow teeth, the dentist gave me a home teeth whitening kit to use before getting the crowns. The first application made a noticeable difference, but there were nine more sets of trays in the kit. I’m now on day six, and I’m not sure any extra whitening action has taken place. I have my next appointment on Thursday, and I don’t know if the dentist will file my teeth into Bat Boy-like points then. If she does, I’ll have acrylic flippers to cover the shaved down teeth, so I’ll be sparing beachgoers from seeing my piranha mouth.
So, the cookie mask is back in the kitchen cabinet. I should wear it in front of the Parkside Hotel and campaign for people to vote for Gingerbread Creation #6. Most likely, it’ll be green binned; after all, it’s not the kind of mask people want to see out and about these days.
Also, Merry Krampus!
PS- I came across this gem on Reddit. Unlike Cheese Rolling, this is 100% something I’d do.
squaremeat.com 